Tabula Rasa
by historylover
Summary: Repost of one of my last multi-chapters
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I've had this idea for a long time, but I never wrote this plot bunny. Because you've probably read this story many times. I hope I can do something different with it. Also, if I get no reviews for this chapter, I won't continue. Just fair warning. I also wrote this before we knew Uriel was a bad guy.

Disclaimer: Consider this properly disclaimed. I don't own anything.

**Tabula Rasa**

Dean looked at the house, which looked like it was about ready to collapse any time, then back at Sam. "This is where Ruby told you where these demons would be?"

Sam frowned, then rechecked the address. "This is the only house on this road, so it must be it."

"Ruby actually believes these demons are trying to helping Lilith to open another seal?" Dean didn't like the looks of that house. It didn't look like it could support his weight, let alone his, Sam's, and three demonically possessed people. He turned back to Sam. "By the way, where is Ruby?"

Sam sighed. "She has another lead. She said that she was tracking Alistair to another possible seal. She'll be calling later tonight after we exorcise these demons with Alistair's location." He looked at Dean. "Listen, there are three demons, and two of us. It would be quicker and easier if I could…"

"Let's try the Latin exorcism first." Dean got out of the Impala, feeling the cold rain hit him. He couldn't figure out how to tell Sam that he still didn't quite trust that Ruby was just helping them out of the goodness of her big heart. Although he had reached a grudging truce with her, because he knew that she saved Sam's life on a couple of occasions, that she provided good leads, and that Sam really liked her. But Dean couldn't shake the feeling that something was up with her.

"Fine. We'll try the Latin first. And when we get attacked by the other two…" His voice trailed off at Dean's glare. "We'll do the Latin first." He followed Dean out of the car and caught the shotgun that Dean tossed at him.

Dean grabbed a couple of spray paint cans, tucking them under his arm and walked towards the dilapidated porch. He carefully made his way up the crumbling stairs, breathing a sigh of relief when it supported his weight. He ran a hand through his damp hair as Sam joined him on the porch.

"Are you ready?" he asked Sam as he handed him a paint can. At Sam's nod, Dean slowly turned the doorknob. The door pushed open, but it fell out of its hinges.

Dean carefully stepped inside the house, taking a glance around to judge how much longer the house would stand. The last thing he wanted was to have it collapse around them, trapping them, injuring, maybe killing them and the host bodies while the demons escaped.

Sam salted the cracked, dingy windows as Dean quickly painted a Devil's Trap on the floor by the door. He snapped his fingers to get Dean's attention and gestured that he would check upstairs.

Dean nodded and put the finishing touches on the Trap. "Be careful," he whispered as he stood up and slowly walked into the former living room. He kept an eye on Sam as he carefully picked his way up the stairs. Although Dean would have preferred that he took the second floor, he knew that Sam was good. The only two things he hoped was that Sam wouldn't get hurt and that he wouldn't get overly excited and go to his freaky powers first.

He checked a hall closet. No one was in it. He became aware of indistinct voices down the hall. _There you are, you demon sons of bitches_.

Dean slowly walked down the hall, the voices getting louder.

"_They're here, aren't they?" _One voice nervously asked.

"_Don't worry about the Winchesters," _the second voice had a familiar rhythm and tone that sent chills running down Dean's spine. _"They can't stop the rising of Lucifer. Sam is going to become an ally."_

"_What about Dean?"_

Dean reached the door as the second voice said, _"Don't worry about him."_

He kicked the door open to find… nobody.

Confused, he looked around the room, eyeing a window. "Son of a bitch," he hissed as he walked inside the room. _Where did they go? Where the hell are their host bodies?_

"Hi, Dean," the second voice said from behind him.

He turned around to see a young woman, wearing an off-the-shoulder shirt, a skirt so short that it wasn't leaving very much to Dean's imagination, and high-heeled boots. She grinned. "Have you missed me?"

Dean raised the shotgun. "I don't know your host body, but I think she might be fun. You, I don't miss much. Whoever you are."

The woman frowned. "I know I'm in a new body, but we had fun in Hell! But, it doesn't matter. Soon, Sam will be on my side, and there's nothing you or those angels on your shoulder can do about it. I become Lucifer's queen, I steal Azazel's chosen one. He can't stop me now. He's dead, thanks to you, and Sammy is really starting to step up to the plate, isn't he? It'll be a birthday party all the time for me!" Her eyes flipped white.

"Lilith?" Dean breathed. His shotgun was trembling, much to his embarrassment.

Her grin widened, and Dean imagined for an instant that she was devouring him. He was horrified to see how badly the shotgun he held shook in his hands.

Lilith lost her smile, and Dean felt the shotgun rip from his hands a split second before he was thrown into the wall. He felt the ancient boards crack, groan, and shake due to the pressure of his immobile body.

_Come on, Sam. Ruby never mentioned that the queen bitch was going to be here, did she? So get your ass down here. I won't say a word about your freaky mojo._

"Son of a bitch, you got me monologuing!" She strutted up to Dean. "You know, there's a place for you, too. Alistair says that you've got some real talent. You could be my bodyguard. As you know, I've got enemies everywhere. And since I can't kill you, and I can't make you go back to Hell, because you've already gone, I do know I can make your life here even more painful than it already is."

"No." Dean closed his eyes and tried to ignore her as she slowly ran her hands on his chest.

"You really think you can stop me? I'm breaking seals, my armies are defeating the angels. I only have to break a total of 66 seals, and I have so many to choose from!" Her voice sounded shrill and scared, and Dean opened his eyes. Although her eyes were glaring at him angrily, Dean could see a panicked light in them. Dean was pretty sure that light came from her and not the host body.

"Oh, I'll stop you."

Lilith stepped away from him. "You think so? Well, I won this battle."

With that, she raised her hand. Dean couldn't move as a bright white light came out of her hand. Castiel's handprint felt like it was burning him. He felt his body being ripped from that wall and flung through the dingy window into cold rain.

As soon as he hit the muddy ground, Dean was able to feel his body again. As he tried to stand up, Lilith's white light intensified, burning into his brain.

All he could see was that light.

* * *

Sam carefully made his way upstairs and quickly scanned a nearby former bedroom. It was empty.

He slowly made his way to another room and tried to closed door. The door was unlocked, but it stuck. Sam took a deep breath and kicked the door down, figuring that he would scatter any demons that was in the room.

The room was empty.

"Where are they?" Sam asked himself out loud as he stepped out of the room back into the hall. A disturbing thought came unbidden to Sam: _Is Ruby making us chase our own tails? _He knew what Dean's answer to that would be. He was so glad that Dean had made his own peace with Ruby, but he also knew that Dean didn't quite trust the demon.

As he tried the next door, he felt the floor shake underneath him, as if a wall was shaking.

"Dean?" He called down the hall towards the staircase, realizing Dean probably couldn't hear him from up here.

As expected, the only answer to his call was a tiny echo floating back to him.

Sam glanced back down the hall, debating on going down to check on Dean or go on and look in the other rooms when he heard a window break downstairs.

Sam immediately headed downstairs, trying to keep his gut feeling down. As he made his way down the downstairs hall, he tried to talk himself into Dean being uninjured. He couldn't explain how he knew Dean was hurt, but he knew.

He opened the door to a room and found it empty, except for a broken window, which was broke from the inside out. He hurried over to the window and saw Dean, lying unconscious on the ground, the rain hitting his prostrate form.

"Dean!" Sam called out before running out of the room.

He ran outside, sliding in the mud to the backyard until he reached Dean, who was groggily moving around. Sam breathed a sigh of relief. Dean was alive.

The first thing Sam noticed was Dean's bloody cuts, which were mixing with the rain water. Although the cuts didn't look life-threatening, Sam knew that a couple of them could use stitches. He would stitch them up when they got back to the motel.

Dean groaned, and Sam looked into his eyes. They were open, but they were staring blankly ahead, oblivious of everything—the rain, Sam, the cold.

"Dean?" Sam breathed out as he gently shook him. "Are you OK?"

Dean's eyes slowly slid over to look at Sam. Sam could see Dean's eyes focus on him, but they were still blank.

"Dean?" Sam asked again. "Are you hurt? Can you move?"

"Dean?" Dean muttered groggily as he slowly moved around, trying to orientate himself to sit up.

"Are you hurt?" Sam asked as he took Dean's arm to steady him as Dean sat up.

Dean ran a hand through his wet hair. "Headache," he muttered.

"Yeah." Sam looked back at the house. "What happened? I couldn't find any demons. They're probably gone anyways."

"What?"

Sam looked over at Dean, who was working himself to his feet. He stood up with Dean, who was swaying. Sam tightened his grip on Dean, trying to stabilize him.

"M'OK," Dean slurred out.

"I don't think so. I think you need to get to a hospital. You might have a concussion."

"S'OK, mister," Dean slurred. He cleared his throat ad looked up at Sam with blank eyes. "I'll be OK."

"Mister?" Sam didn't let go of Dean's arms but loosened his grip. He felt cold, and he knew it didn't have much to do with the cold rain beating down on him. "Dean, do you know who I am?"

Dean's embarrassed look down and non-response answered Sam's question for him. _No._

"I'm taking you to the hospital."

TBC

A/N: Again, you have probably read this plot line a million times. I don't read too many fanfics anymore. I don't want to take any one's ideas. So, I'm hoping I can do something different with this. Hoping. But, as I said, if I don't get any reviews, I'm not continuing. I'd rather a one-shot not get reviews than a multi-chapter.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Since you guys are reading this now, give a big thank you to sunnyjunedays. She was the only one who gave me a review. And because I got a review, I'm continuing to post. So, remember, your reviews do matter. No reviews mean no more chapters posted. And even though this is a repost, reviews still matter to authors, because it's not like I'm getting paid for this! So, please review.

**Tabula Rasa**

Dean watched the young man agitatedly pace in his hospital room. He felt dizzy and nauseous, and the man pacing didn't exactly help much. The painkillers weren't helping too much either. It was in the back of his scrambled mind that he knew this pacing man. A part of him recognized the guy. But he couldn't remember.

"How long is it going to take to get your results back?" The guy asked.

"You don't have to stay," Dean said as he flipped on the TV. "Thanks for helping me, but you don't have to stay."

The guy stopped his pacing and stared at Dean. "You… you still don't remember who I am?"

Dean looked away, embarrassed. "I'm just joking. Of course I remember you." He flipped through the tv channels. "Thursday. There's nothing on. Oh, Grey's. Did you know Izzie is having sex with a ghost? Isn't that nuts?"

"That guy in Houston was doing the same thing," the guy muttered. He turned back. "Dean, what happened?"

Dean turned off the tv. "I don't know."

"Did you find any demons downstairs? Did they do something to you?"

"Demons?" Dean frowned. "Are you sure _you're _alright? And I don't remember anything before seeing you."

"Nothing?" The guy sounded incredibly sad and disappointed.

Dean wanted to lie to him, make him feel better. He was also frustrated by his lack of memory. He figured out his name—Dean—and he remembered a bright, white light. There seemed to be memories, feelings really, but they were buried.

And it pissed him off. He hated feeling this way.

"Hi, Dean." A man's deep voice from the doorway made Dean turn his head. A man with a white lab coat and medical folder came into the room. "I'm Dr. Peterson. We briefly met before your MRI, but you were a little out of it."

"Hi, Doc," Dean said as he shifted his pillow around to get more comfortable. "Am I going to be alright?"

"What happened to him?" The young man asked, nervously.

"Well, he had a complex partial seizure. Has he ever had a seizure before? Any history of medical problems like that?"

"No," the other guy said. "Do you know what caused it?"

The doctor moved around to Dean's bed and sat down. He held a finger up in front of Dean. "Follow my finger." As he slowly moved it around, he asked, "Has he been drinking alcohol a lot lately? Excessive alcohol use can cause seizures. So can detox. His blood work shows that he did have alcohol tonight, but it was well under the legal limit."

The young man shifted his weight. _He's nervous, _Dean thought. _Why is he nervous? I'm the one who has been drinking himself to a seizure. Why did I do that?_

"He's been drinking," the man said smoothly, but Dean could hear a strange tone in his voice. "Not to excess. He had a beer at supper."

_He's lying. Why? _"Will I be OK, Doc?" Dean asked.

"You'll be alright," Dr. Peterson said. "A little slow in tracking my finger, but that's expected. A little rest, you should be as good as new. I'd lay off the alcohol for a while if I were you. Even if it's just one beer. I'd like to keep you here overnight and run some more tests in the morning."

The young man cleared his throat. "Doctor, his memory is gone. He's also not doing much talking. Is that a result from the seizure?"

"Probably." The doctor turned back to Dean. "Dean, I want you to remember these five things: duck, cat, bed, house, water. Now, let's chat. Do you remember my name?"

Dean sighed. He felt like an idiot. Everyone was sure treating him like he was an idiot. "Dr. Peterson. You didn't tell me your first name."

"Good." The doctor gestured to the other man. "Do you know this guy's name?"

Dean looked over at the man, who mouthed _Sam_ at him.

"S-Sam?" Dean asked before turning back to the doctor and saying more firmly "Sam."

"Was that a guess?" The doctor asked. "You're right. His name is Sam. Do you remember what relationship Sam is to you?" He turned to Sam, "With no help from the peanut gallery this time."

Dean looked away.

"Sam's your brother. Do you remember that list of five words I gave you?"

Dean looked back at the doctor. "I think so. Duck, cat, bed, house, and… water. Right?"

"You're right. Do you know your last name? Obviously, you know your name. What's your last name? And don't look at your admittance bracelet."

Dean looked away again. This time he reached for the remote control. He took a deep, frustrated breath.

"When's your birthday?" The doctor asked. "What are your parents' names?"

"I don't know!" Dean snarled.

"OK." Dr. Peterson stood up. "That's enough. You'll be getting a mild sedative to sleep in a few minutes, and I'll run some more tests tomorrow. I think you'll be able to leave by tomorrow or the day after. Before I go, what were the words I gave you again?"

"Your memory giving you problems?" Dean asked. At the doctor's laugh, he recited back the five words.

The doctor motioned to Sam. "I need to speak to you. You'll be alright, Dean. Get some rest."

Sam followed Dr. Peterson out into the hall. "Is he going to be OK?"

The doctor sighed. "I can see a family trait here. I don't tend to lie to patients. He's going to be fine."

"His memory…"

"He's got retrograde amnesia. He's having trouble remembering things that happened before the seizure. He seems to be able to remember things that happened afterwards."

Sam looked back up the hall toward Dean's room where a nurse entered the room. "So, is the seizure linked to the amnesia?"

"Probably. We'll run some more tests in the morning."

"Will he stay like this? Having no memories before his seizure?"

"Retrograde amnesia is rare, but it's generally reversible. He'll probably regain those memories in a few weeks or a few months. He might wake up tomorrow with his memories fully restored."

Sam let out an exasperated breath. "Generally, might, and probably? That's not too comforting. They mean that Dean might not get any memories back, right?"

"I doubt whether that will happen. But, yes, the amnesia could be permanent." Dr. Peterson glanced up the hall. "I'm going to give him another MRI tomorrow and run some more tests, but I don't anticipate him having any more seizures. As far as his memory goes, if he's around familiar things, familiar people, if he goes back to his normal life, chances are very good that he'll get full use of his memories back. He'll probably be released tomorrow or the next day."

With that, the doctor walked away, leaving Sam alone with his thoughts.

* * *

"Yeah, Bobby. When Dean's released, we'll stay with you for a while. We had no hunts planned anyways, and I really can't bring Dean like he is now on them if we did have anything planned." Sam parked the Impala in front of the motel room and opened the door, breathing in the cool night air.

"_He'll be OK, Sammy." _Bobby said on the other line. _"After all, he has come through Hell and back."_

"Maybe it's better if some of those memories are gone. Hopefully those kind of memories won't come back." Sam fumbled around for his key. He was tired. It had been a long night.

"_Trust me, I understand where you're coming from. And those memories are devastating. But they are part of who Dean is now."_

Sam sighed. "Yeah, I know." His voice drifted off when he saw a shadow cross the motel room's window. He pulled out his gun. "I need to go. I'll talk to you later." With that, he closed the phone.

As quietly as he could, Sam slid the key into the door. He didn't have a chance to open it because it burst open, revealing Ruby.

"Sam, you made enough noise to wake up the dead. Now what if I'd been someone wanting to kill you?"

Sam stepped past Ruby into the room. "What are you doing here?"

"Waiting for you." She frowned. "How's Dean doing?"

"Physically, he's doing well, and the doctor expects he'll be released tomorrow afternoon. Maybe in a couple days. However, he doesn't remember anything before his seizure. How did you know about it? And I thought you were just going to call."

Ruby sat on his bed. "Do you know Lilith was here and caused that 'seizure'?"

"Lilith was here? How'd you find out?"

"Those demons talked. They were Lilith's. Seems like Dean is making her nervous."

Sam frowned. "Why?"

"Apparently, he's in her way. She wants to kill him, you know."

"I figured." With that, he stood up and paced around the room. He felt like a caged animal. "Maybe this was a blessing in disguise."

Ruby gave a half smile. "Making lemonade out of lemons? Why do you think this is a blessing?"

Sam sat down on the other bed. "Dean can get out of this game, live a normal, safe life. He's really never had that. At least, not that he really remembers. Which is nothing right now."

"What about you? Do you want a normal life again?"

Sam shrugged. "Not really. Besides, there's no way I can have a normal life."

"Are you comfortable leaving Dean behind?"

"No. But I'll keep in touch with him. I'll tell him that I have to go back to work. I'm sure he'll understand. Plus, it's not like I'll be alone, right?"

Ruby grinned. "Are you wanting me to go with you?"

Sam couldn't answer that question.

* * *

Dean jerked awake, breathing hard. He tried to figure out what his nightmare was about, but he couldn't quite remember it. Just the feelings of dread, loneliness, terror, and pain.

"How are you feeling, Dean?" a smooth voice came from the door.

Dean turned to face the man. The guy was wearing a trenchcoat. His face was in shadow, but his voice sounded familiar.

"Who are you?"

"A friend," the man said.

"I don't remember you."

The man sighed. "I know. And I was afraid of that. I'll be in touch." He turned away, swallowed more by the shadows, leaving Dean alone.

TBC

A/N: A little talky. OK, a lot talky. Let's hope I'm going somewhere.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Again, only two people reviewed (thanks again, sunnyjunedays and Ani-maniac494!). A lot of you are reading, because I'm getting the notices. But no reviews. This is one of the many reasons I got burned out writing in the first place. Therefore, I'm thinking of holding off on chapter four. The whole story is finished, and it's ready to be posted. But, with no reviews, why should I continue? Therefore, I need to know why to continue.

**Tabula Rasa**

"Sam, I understand where you're coming from, but you can't just leave Dean alone, with no memories. What if he gets his memories back?" Bobby asked.

Sam looked out of the window at Dean working on a car in Bobby's salvage yard. He knew that Dean had always liked fixing cars, and he was happy that Dean's knowledge of mechanics remained. In fact, last week, Dean even began instructing Sam on the finer techniques of car maintenance.

Sam sighed as he watched Dean disappear under the car. "What else can I do? I can't take him on hunts with me. Not how he's like now. First ghost we come across, first demon, first monster, and Dean is probably going to freak out. Plus, on a hunt, I can't really take the time to explain things."

Bobby picked up a gun. "You know, Dean took this gun apart, cleaned it, and assembled it this morning while we were talking at breakfast…"

Sam turned back to Bobby, "You didn't tell him anything about hunting, did you?"

"No. You asked me not to, and I haven't, although it's against my better judgment. My point is that Dean's instincts seem to be intact. He still has know-how about things. I don't think he'd freak out as badly as you think. Plus, you're one of his anchors now. You're a link to his missing past. Why don't you take some time off and help him remember?"

"I don't want him to remember."

"Sam!" Bobby looked shocked at first, but an angry light started replacing the shocked expression.

"I don't mean it like that. I don't want him to have amnesia. I'd prefer him to be my partner. But if he doesn't remember hunting or Hell or anything like that, he can have a normal life away from all of this. He could be safe. He won't be wanted by Lilith or demons or angels."

"Or he won't have any defenses when all of the above comes a-callin'."

"He's never had a normal life. Not really. At least this gives him a chance to make one. And I'll keep in touch. Dean's alive, and I don't want to lose him again. If he needs help, I'll come help."

Bobby joined Sam at the window and watched as Dean got up and entered the car. A moment later, the car roared to life. "The McClains sold me that car after water got in the engine a couple years ago. I figured I could scrap it for parts. I've worked on it off and on since then, between going on my own hunts and taking care of you guys. I've never been able to get it to run. Dean definitely has a magic touch when it comes to cars." Bobby sighed. "This is a mistake you're making, you know. Is there anyway I can talk you out of this? You're welcome to stay here as long as you want to."

"I don't think it's a mistake. I can't really afford to second guess myself. And someone needs to stop Lilith from opening the seals."

"Well, since I can't stop you, I need to ask you what will happen when I have hunts of my own? Or when you or other hunters call me for help? You don't want to take Dean with you, and I won't be able to as well. Of course, he's welcome to stay here as long as he wants to, but he'll be by himself part of the time."

"Just don't do anything to remind him about his hunting past. I saw him looking at your Solomon's key the other day. He asked me what that symbol meant, and I didn't know how to lie to him. I ended up telling him it was a protection symbol. I figured a half-truth was better than a lie. And when he gets on his feet, maybe he can completely leave this life."

Bobby watched Dean doing some fine tuning on the car's engine. "I've got a mechanic friend in town. He's looking for another mechanic. I can talk him into hiring Dean on. He'll be close enough for me to keep an eye on, when I'm here."

"I knew you'd understand, Bobby."

"I understand what you're doing. I just don't agree with it."

* * *

Dean closed the hood on the Oldsmobile and got back in the driver's seat. He turned on the engine and frowned at its noise. The timing was still off.

He could relate.

He felt the most normal working on Bobby's cars. He was outside, away from those books and decorations. It wasn't that those items made him uncomfortable that made him anxious. In fact, it was quite the opposite. He didn't understand why everything felt familiar. Why he could dissemble, clean, and reassemble that gun in a minute this morning.

All of that should have creeped Dean out, and yet it didn't. In fact, that felt natural and right.

But, he was frustrated at Sam and Bobby whispering about him.

Dean felt a twinge of comfort and familiarity about Bobby, and he trusted the older man. But he didn't understand what was going on in Bobby's life. Or Sam's life either.

He could feel that he had been a part of whatever life both Sam and Bobby lived, but right now, he couldn't understand it.

"This car sounds great!" Sam said, causing Dean to look at him through the windshield. "Bobby said that he could never get it running, and you did it!"

Dean turned the car off and got out of the driver's seat. "The timing is still off. I think I'm getting close to fixing it, though."

"It's going to be a great car when you do get it completely fixed."

Dean popped the hood. "What's up?"

Sam sighed. "When you're finished with this car, I'm taking off. The Impala's yours. It always has been."

"OK." Dean propped up the hood and looked in the engine, trying to figure out where the problem was coming from.

"OK? That's all you can say?"

Dean shrugged. "I figured you'd have to leave sometime soon. I don't want to keep you from doing your job. What do you do, anyways?"

"Simply, I hunt down bad guys. People who want to hurt others."

Dean let out a frustrated breath. _Again, Sam's treating me like a child! _He cleared his throat in an effort to keep his voice neutral. "Sounds exciting."

"Not really. It's lonely, boring which is interrupted by moments of sheer terror. You wouldn't like it."

_OK… that's weird. _"So, are you like an FBI agent? Federal Marshall? Sorry that I don't remember."

"Dean, you don't need to apologize. And, yes, I'm something like that. So, Bobby says that a mechanic friend of his is looking for a new mechanic. He thinks you'd be perfect."

"What about my old job?"

"The garage you worked at went under, unfortunately. So, you're free to take this new job. Meet new people. You can stay with Bobby as long as you want to…"

"I might find an apartment in town."

Sam grinned. "That would be great! But, I'll call at least once a week to check up on you. But, can you do me a favor?"

Dean looked up. "If I can."

"If you see someone with strange colored eyes, even if you think that you're just seeing things or the light hit their eyes weird, I don't even want you to engage with them in any way. Don't talk to them. Definitely don't fight them. I want you to call me and call Bobby immediately. If you're here at Bobby's, and he's not around, and you see people with strange colored eyes, I want you to immediately go to Bobby's panic room. There is enough food, enough supplies, to last you for a while. Promise me you'll do all of that."

"Call you and Bobby if I see someone with strange colored eyes and go to Bobby's panic room?" Dean shrugged. "OK. I promise."

"What else?"

"Oh, don't 'engage' these people."

Sam let out of relieved sigh. "Thanks."

"No problem." Dean watched Sam walk away. He rolled his eyes and went back to work on the car. _That was strange, _he thought.

A flash of light behind Dean's eyes accompanied by a headache that was equivalent to an axe being slammed into the back of his head brought tears to Dean's eyes and made him fall to his knees. He groaned in pain as he tried to pry his eyes open.

"_My plan is going according to plan," _a creepy, childish voice shot through Dean's head, making his headache worse. _"You know how no one panics when everything goes according to plan? I can now relax. My plan is shaping up beautifully."_

As quickly as it came about, Dean's headache left, although it left him feeling dizzy and sick.

He slowly stood up, looking at Bobby's house where he had no doubt Sam was preparing to leave him behind. He wondered what was going on, what that voice was about.

_I have a bad feeling about this…_

TBC

A/N: Short chapter. I know. And very talky.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Because I had a bad day today, I decided to post. So, if you want to make me happy, you will review, right?

**Tabula Rasa**

Sam watched Ruby change clothes in his motel room. She had shown up with information about some of Lilith's demons in a town about 15 miles over. As she changed into darker clothes, Sam alternately eyed his phone, wanting to get a hold of Dean, and wondering how rusty his powers were. He hadn't used his powers very often. Dean didn't want him to use them. But, now Dean wasn't here.

Sam really didn't want to use them. But he knew he would. He never could deny his powers when Ruby was around. She made them come out. They felt natural to him when she was around.

She didn't judge him for them.

Although he knew he couldn't second-guess his decision to leave Dean behind, he still wished that Dean was around. Particularly since he couldn't get a hold of Dean tonight. Bobby said that Dean was out, grabbing a beer with co-workers and that he promised he wouldn't drink much.

The last time he talked to Dean, about a week ago, Dean sounded happy with his life. Normal. There was no fear in Dean's voice. In fact, Sam didn't remember the last time he heard his brother sound so optimistic. He talked about looking for an apartment between working on vehicles and the idiotic customers who came in to the garage.

It felt good. Until Dean mentioned off-handedly that he couldn't sleep very well the other night. He kept having nightmares. When Sam tried to ask about the nightmares, Dean refused to say anything else.

And now he couldn't get a hold of Dean. Bobby said that Dean's co-workers were alright, but that didn't mean that demons couldn't take over their bodies.

Sam jumped as Ruby knocked on his door. "Hey, are you OK? You looked like you were miles away," she asked.

Sam opened the Olds' door and got out. "Yeah, I'm OK. Just thinking."

"Still can't get a hold of Dean? He'll be alright, you know. He's out, living that normal life you wanted for him, probably not thinking about you."

"Good."

She sighed. "Look, I didn't mean it the way it came out. You did the right thing for Dean." She stood up. "Lilith's demons won't wait forever. Are you ready?"

"Yeah."

They drove to the shoddy warehouse in silence. Sam kept eyeing his phone.

Finally, Ruby sighed. "Sam, Dean's OK. You have to stop second-guessing yourself. What's going to happen if you're so distracted the demons get away? There are supposed to be two demons, and you haven't used your powers in a while. Are you sure you're up for this?"

"Yeah." Sam put down his phone. _Dean will call when he gets back from hanging out with his friends. It's weird to think of Dean having friends._

"Sam? We're here."

Sam looked up to see the looming building. "Well, let's go."

"You take the left demon, and I take the right?"

He nodded as he put his phone in his pocket. "Sounds good."

They walked inside the warehouse and looked around. It was empty. He glanced sideways at Ruby. "I thought you said there would be two demons here."

"That's what my sources said."

Sam looked around again. Still nothing.

Suddenly, a shadow moved. Sam nodded towards the shadow. Ruby immediately started moving around to the other side of the shadow. Sam stepped forward, checking around to see where the other demon was.

Ruby grabbed the host body and put her hand over his mouth. "You aren't going to go smoking out of your body now, are you? If you do, it's going to be very, very bad for you." At his nod, she lowered her hand.

"Where's your buddy?" Sam asked.

"So your brother gets sidelined, and you become more of Ruby's lapdog than you already were? Anyways, my 'buddy' left." The demonic host sneered at Sam.

"Where's he going?"

"Maybe to report to Lilith. Maybe to go after your brother. Can't really say."

Sam glared at him. "Where's Lilith?"

"Can't say. She goes where she wants. And even if you decide to smoke me back to Hell, Lilith will just find someone else to do her dirty work."

"What does Lilith want?"

"You. Maybe your brother. Too bad you left him sidelined."

"Sam?" Ruby's voice gently urged him. "Don't listen to him. Demons lie. You know this."

"All demons lie except Ruby?" The man snickered. "Are you really this gullible?"

Sam had enough. Obviously this demon wasn't going to give them any useful information. He squinted his eyes and stretched out his hand. As soon as he did, he could hear the host body begin retching.

_I've still got it, _he thought. He glanced up to see Ruby smiling at him. She understood him. He missed understanding. He loved Dean,, obviously. But, Dean never could know where he was coming from. Dean couldn't know.

Just then, Sam's phone started ringing.

His concentration broke. He knew that was Dean calling him back. His head started pounding in time with his own heartbeat.

"Sam?" Ruby's voice sounded over the pounds of his head and heart and the ringing of his phone. "You OK?"

He could hear the man laughing as he felt blood drip down his face.

Every sound amplified itself. A blinding white light started flashing behind everything.

"Sam?" Ruby's voice sounded like the ringing from his phone.

The ringing stopped and everything went back to normal. Except for the fact that Sam was laying on the ground and Ruby was kneeling beside him.

The host body was dead.

Sam slowly sat up, feeling sick and dizzy. His powers hadn't affected him like this for a long time.

"Are you alright?" Ruby asked. "Your phone distracted you in the middle of the exorcism. The demon got away."

"I want to go," Sam whispered.

In his mind, he thought he could hear Lilith laughing. It had to be his imagination.

* * *

Dean frowned down into the engine of the Toyota and wondered if he could tell Mrs. Goldstein to buy American next time. Of course, that wicked witch probably wouldn't appreciate his advice. She was one of them that didn't know the difference between a steering wheel and her tires. Since he had been working here, the old biddy had been in twice. All the other mechanics went running when they saw her drive up in this POS, leaving Dean to fend for himself. And now this was the second time.

_I'm probably just tired, _he thought. He knew he was having a bad day. He could probably blame Sam for this. When he got to Bobby's last night, Bobby told him to call Sam. He wasn't able to get a hold of him last night. Even though he had tried several times to get in touch.

He finally gave up. Although he didn't quite remember, he got the impression that Sam wasn't just his brother. He was actually a mother hen.

He looked up from the Toyota POS to see the high school guidance counselor walk into the garage. He straightened up as she walked over to him with a smile on her face.

He didn't remember, but he was pretty sure that his high school guidance counselor didn't look like Caden Powers.

"Hi, Dean," she said when she got within earshot. "My Kitty's finished?"

He chuckled slightly. "'94 Mercury Cougar, right?"

"You know it is."

"Yeah, it's finished. Just needed an oil change." He led her outside to her red Cougar.

"You're still a miracle worker," she said as she stepped around to the car. "Hi, Baby," she said to it. She looked up at Dean and laughed. "You probably think I'm crazy. Naming my car. But she's like a family member, you know?"

"No, I understand." He walked away to get her keys and ticket in the office.

As he entered the office, Brent grinned at him. "The new high school guidance counselor wants you."

Dean turned and looked at Caden walking around her car. "I doubt it."

"Well, she's been here for a year, but she's only brought her car in here since you've been here. This is what? Her third or fourth trip here in three months?"

"A burned out tail light, needed new spark plugs, needed snow tires, and now an oil change? Oh, yeah. She wants me," Dean said sarcastically as he grabbed her keys.

"What, you don't want her or something?" Mike asked as he wrote out a ticket. "I'd hit that in a New York minute."

Dean glanced over at her running a hand over the Cougar's hood. "You do realize that she's a lady, right?"

"That doesn't mean that she's always a lady."

Brent laughed. "I'm telling you, Winchester, she's hot for your bod."

"She can't be interested in my mind?" Dean asked as he walked out of the office.

"What mind?" he heard Brent call after him. "You can't remember anything before four months ago!"

Caden grinned as he approached, playing with her crystal necklace. The light catching off of the crystal made it look like it glowed. "So, what's the damages?" Dean handed her the bill, and her grin faded. "Um, Dean? I think there's a problem with this bill."

He looked over her shoulder. "What's the matter with it, Miss Powers?"

She looked up at him. "I've told you several times to call me 'Caden.' Or 'Cade.' My parents were weird. Don't ask." She waved the bill. "The problem is I was not what I expected the total to be."

"Too high?"

"No, too low. This is all you're charging me? What about labor?" She dug out her check book.

Dean shrugged. "It was just an oil change."

"Still." She wrote the check and handed it to Dean, who handed her the keys. "It was your time. Listen, let me pay you back. I know you're staying with Bobby Singer until you find an apartment." At Dean's look, she laughed. "Small town. Not much else to talk about. Anyway, I'm pretty sure he isn't much of a cook."

"He's not bad."

"But come over to my place for a home cooked meal on Saturday. I'd like to get to know you better."

Dean laughed. "I have some memory issues, so it's pretty much what you see is what you get."

She stepped back to her driver's door. "I very much doubt that. I don't think you know your potential."

Dean stepped away from the car as Caden backed it out of the parking place. As she waved at him, Dean could swear that her white crystal necklace glowed.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

**Tabula Rasa**

Dean felt like he couldn't move. He was trapped as a bright light enveloped him.

_No! _He heard himself yell out, although he couldn't open his mouth. The smell of smoke filled his nostrils and lungs. He could hear screaming, gunshots, crying around him. A chaotic blend of noise that he couldn't tell where everything came from. His entire body felt like it was torn apart, but he could see anything.

All around him floated familiar faces. Faces he couldn't put names to. Well, except for Sam and Bobby. Dean reached out for every other face, trying to remember who they are, but they faded away.

He could hear laughing as every face faded away. He looked up to see Sam stand between two women. All three were laughing at him. Black smoke came out of the two women, closing around Sam, hiding him from Dean.

_I've got to do something! _He tried to get his body to move, tried to get his mouth to work to make a sound, tried to reach for Sam. But Dean couldn't do anything.

_Dean? _A gentle voice interrupted his struggles. He looked over to see two familiar figures around him. One reached out and touched his left shoulder. _You've got to wake up, _the figure said without moving his mouth.

_You've got to wake up, _the other figure said without moving her mouth. _I can help you._

Behind her, black smoke swirled, momentarily obscuring her. Although Dean could see her bright white light through the smoke briefly, the smoke moved away from her. She looked dead. She lay among bodies of familiar-looking people. The only body that Dean could see was Sam's.

_No! _He yelled again as the black smoke raced toward his immobile body and the familiar figure gripping his shoulder. The grip tightened.

_You can prevent all of this. But you've got to wake up, _the figure whispered again without opening his mouth, echoed by the voice of the dead woman lying beside Sam.

_Dean, wake up!_

Dean shot up out of bed, breathing hard. He wiped away sweat and kicked off his blankets. They were tangled around him anyways.

_Great. Another nightmare._

These nightmares started shortly after Dean's arrival at Bobby's. They didn't happen every night, but three times a week was plenty for Dean. Usually they weren't as vivid as this dream was.

Dean had an idea that these dreams were a way that he was remembering things in his past. He wanted to talk about these dreams. Although Bobby was giving answers to Dean's specific questions, Dean was still confused about his past.

He finally decided that he may be better off not knowing what kind of person he was before he got sick. He liked his life now.

He just wished the nightmares would stop.

Dean got up and wandered into the kitchen, where Bobby was sitting at the table, surrounded by a pile of books. "You're up early," he said, taking a seat opposite the older man.

"I have to do some research. I'm going to be leaving in a few days. If I'm not back by next weekend, call Sam."

"OK." Dean reached for a coffee cup and poured him some coffee.

"You have another nightmare?" Bobby looked over his book at Dean.

Dean shrugged. "It's not that big of a deal."

"Now that's bull."

"Yeah." Dean played with his coffee mug. "It's like I've got memories just out of reach. If I could access one memory, maybe all of them will come back."

Bobby sighed. "Sam's gonna kill me, but if you want to talk about your dreams, maybe I can help you figure out if they're nightmares or if they're memories."

Dean glanced over at Bobby. "They're just nightmares. Nothing to talk about." With that, he stood up and left the table.

* * *

Sam hung up his phone. He finally was able to get a hold of Dean, who apologized for not being around the last time Sam tried calling. He also mentioned that he was going out for supper with a high school teacher.

It was good to know some things never changed about Dean. No matter how many holes he had in his memory. And it was great that Dean's life was moving in the right direction.

That was a load off Sam's mind.

It was Bobby's information that troubled Sam. Not only was Bobby leaving for a hunt, but the fact that Dean was having nightmares bothered him. Especially since Bobby suspected that some holes in Dean's memory was being filled, and Dean was confused.

Sam glanced at his watch. Ruby had left to track down demons that she said were in Lilith's inner circle. He was expecting her back any time now.

He was left hunting down a ghost. Although the ghost was a bitch, Sam was able to salt and burn the remains fairly easily, once he figured out who the ghost was. He felt these hunts were beneath him.

Dean believed in "saving people, hunting things." Although he felt that Dean didn't always have fun on hunts, he suspected that Dean figured helping people was good enough for him.

Helping people was fine for Sam, but he would rather end Lilith in order to get on with the saving people aspect.

He wondered what news Ruby would have. He also couldn't shake Dean's voice about Ruby out of his head. Her leads were proving to be dead ends, and Sam wondered if Lilith was even still around.

Sam lay on his bed and rubbed his eyes, wondering what Dean would say about his thoughts. It seemed like his whole life was a matter of second guessing. The only time he felt natural was when he was using his powers. And he had a feeling that using his powers was a mistake.

He heard Ruby's car pull into the motel parking lot. He got up, pushed the salt away from the door, and unlocked the door to let her inside.

She came in. "Hey, Sam. How'd the hunt go?"

"Same old same old. Do you have anything?"

"The demons are back in Hell. But, yeah, I got a lead. A good lead. Not on Lilith, but on Alistair."

"I assumed Alistair was fried when Anna got her grace back."

"Apparently not. And he's Lilith's number 2. But, if you go after Alistair, I'm not joining you. No offense, but I'd prefer not to tangle with Alistair. That demon is ruthless. I think you know that."

"He'll give me information about Lilith?"

She hesitated. "If he'll talk. But, the demons couldn't pinpoint Alistair's location. I mean, they said he's somewhere in the Western States. That's like looking for a needle in a haystack."

Sam glanced at his phone. It was his only connection to Dean now. _Alistair_. He wanted to get that demon who tortured Dean so much in Hell. He had to avenge Dean.

Lilith could wait a little while longer.

"I know Alistair has his own distinct signs," Sam said. "If I knew what they are or follow the trail from where he's been, I can find him."

Ruby sighed. "You want to go after a sadistic demon now? I would prefer not to meet up with him, but I think he's small potatoes compared to Lilith. But, if you insist, I can help you track him. And then I'm leaving."

Sam paused. If Ruby as refusing to go with him, he would truly be alone. Maybe he was making a mistake. He agreed with Ruby—Lilith was the demon to get. But, Alistar may be the key to killing Lilith. "I'm going to make sure Alistar doesn't torture any other soul. If he wants to deal and give up Lilith, I'll accept it. If not, he's going to pay for torturing souls in Hell."

At that, Ruby broke into a grin.

* * *

The woman put her sunglasses over her white eyes before driving past the motel. _Sammy is going after Alistar? That's adorable._

Without Dean around, Sam was definitely turning, thanks to his own drives and urges. That older brother of his was the only being that could stop Sam's slide.

She knew that angels were scrambling to get Dean's memory back. Well, that pest Castiel. But the plans were set into motion. The corruption of Azazel's Chosen One, the survivor of Azazel's boot camp, was a powerful seal. If Sam took care of Alistair, there was nothing standing in his way to standing by Lilith's side when all hell broke loose. Just a few more seals that needed to be opened, but with Sam by her side, those seals would fall.

The only thing that would stop Sam was if Dean's memories happened to come back. She decided to send some lower demons to keep their eyes on him and to prevent Dean from remembering anything.

Her plan was coming together nicely.

TBC

A/N: I have always found it hard to write for Sam. And I have plans for Dean, but if I want to be honest, Sam's plot is something that enters my head and gets typed down immediately upon thinking. Right now, I don't really have a rhyme or reason for Sam. I just need to give him something to do. Ruby? I've got plans for. Lilith? Yep. Alistar was a "Oh, that's interesting" addition while I was typing this chapter. So, I apologize in advance for this plot, knowing it'll probably not be very good. I also could have written longer, but I'll save some for next chapter. Word of warning: next chapter will probably be just focusing on Dean.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: And I continue. I'm now starting to want to just get this up, particular since I'm having problems with ff and the alerts. So, I know some of you couldn't read or review due to it being down. So, I'm just going to speed my way to the end. And this will only be on Dean's side of things. Sorry to all Sam fans. I'll continue with him next chapter. And this is a long, talky chapter.

**Tabula Rasa**

Dean pulled up behind the garage and got out of the Impala. Rick, his boss, called him shortly after he left Bobby's and told him to come by.

He saw Rick's son, Justin, glowering at him from the corner before revving his motorcycle and speeding down the side street. That kid made Dean's blood run cold, although he didn't have much to do with the teenager. Justin occasionally helped out at the garage, until Dean caught him dipping into the deposit bags.

Dean shook his head. It was little wonder that the boy was upset with him. But it wasn't like he showed up at work—or to work—that often.

_Don't worry about him, _Dean told himself and entered the garage's business office/waiting room. Rick was in his tiny office in the corner.

Rick looked up from his books. "Hi, Dean. Thanks for coming in. Take a seat."

"I'd rather not."

Rick took off his glasses, "Look, rumor is going around town that you're going to Caden Powers' house tonight for supper."

"Yeah…"

"I can't stop you from going to see her, but I want to caution you from going over."

Dean shifted his weight to his other foot. "If I see her outside of the garage, what, you're going to fire me?"

"No. You're too good of a mechanic for that. A little too good, in fact. You rip yourself off on labor, but that's your own money. It's just… look, she's my son's guidance counselor, and he has nothing good to say about her. She has friends who are pretty shady characters, and I'd prefer you not to get mixed up in that whole business. Bobby would kill me if something happened to you."

_Consider the source. _Dean bit his tongue to keep from saying that. "I don't care about people talking. Plus, I don't get that impression of her at all. But, I've been working on her car, and she just wants to thank me by cooking me supper."

"Be sure that a supper is the only way she wants to thank you. She's pretty wild."

_Even better! _"I think I can handle her just fine."

Rick stood up. "Fine. Go to supper. But I want you back here in an hour. Your repair logs are so unorganized. I need to know you're meeting your quota, beyond Miss Powers' car. Keeping your repair logs is part of your job. It's not just fixing cars."

Dean felt a surge of anger sweep through him. "It's the weekend. Unless there's an emergency, we don't work on weekends. I'll take care of them Monday. I don't have anything scheduled."

"No, you'll take of them tonight. On Monday, I have an audit. I need all my mechanics to be meeting quotas, or we may have to cut. Since you're the newbie, you'll be the first to go. Sorry." At the door, he turned around. "When you were driving in, did you see Justin anywhere?"

_You mean your spoiled brat who gets everything he wants and steals from you? Of course he's not going to get fired, although he doesn't work. He's the boss' kid! _"He was heading off somewhere on his bike."

Rick shook his head and muttered something under his breath before walking away.

Dean sighed in frustration as he walked to the front desk and pulled out the scheduling book, the tickets processed, and the repair log. Once they were piled on the counter in front of him, he looked up Caden's phone number to tell her that he wasn't coming over tonight.

* * *

Caden hung up the phone and saved the letter of recommendation she was working on for a student. _This is a setback, _she thought as she took off her glasses and rubbed her eyes. She could feel the clock ticking, and she wasn't even technically in this fight.

However, if they don't win this war, everything would end.

_Well, if Dean can't come over here to eat, who's stopping me from taking supper to him?_

She entered the kitchen. Her yellow lab, Maverick, wagged his tail at her, although his attention was focused on the roast in the slow cooker.

"You hungry?" She asked him as she checked the meat. Everything was done. The roast was falling apart at the touch, and the potatoes and the carrots were soft. In fact, she could pull out a big chunk of meat with her fingers and toss it to the dog. He caught it in mid-air and happily chopped on it.

"Let's see, I can just take this roast as it is. I need salt, pepper, butter, plates, silverware, glasses—no, just take some beers with me. Can you think of anything else I need, Mav? Ketchup? Maybe. I'll bring it, just in case."

The dog grinned at her and wagged his tail.

"Feed you before I leave, of course." She sighed. "They're trying to keep me away from Dean, Mav. What's up with that, huh?"

She walked into the utility room to get her cooler to haul things around in when she heard Maverick whimper. "I'll feed you in just a sec, Maverick!"

"Cadmiel," a familiar voice said from the kitchen, making her stop in her tracks. "What do you think you're doing?"

She gritted her teeth and grabbed the cooler. _He can wait just a few seconds_, she thought.

"Cadmiel?" The voice had an edge to it. Apparently he didn't think he could wait.

She carried the cooler out, and Maverick scurried into the utility room. She couldn't say she blamed him. She wasn't looking forward to this conversation either. "You have a problem with what I'm doing, Uriel, take it up with Castiel. He was the one who asked me to look after Dean. Try to help him get his memories back."

Uriel stared at her hard. "Let me get a hold of him. I'll make his memories come back."

"No," she moved past Uriel and took plates out of her cupboard, catching his look of disgust. She rolled her eyes. "You'll just go charging in, slamming his memories back in his brain, right?"

"That's my idea."

"Castiel's idea is to get Dean's memories come back naturally, but relatively quickly. And still keep most of his memories of Hell away. Keep the worst stuff blocked, just like it was before Lilith zapped him with her white ray of death. We figure that if Dean actually remembered everything that happened in Hell, he couldn't function. So, this has to be done delicately, and by someone more acquainted with humans."

"Mud monkeys," Uriel muttered.

"Watch it, big brother. You're on the brink of blasphemy. Also, you do realize that I'm human, right? My assignment made me human almost 2,000 years ago. Also, the name I use now is 'Caden.' Anyways, you have a human vessel. So, not only are you prejudiced about beings made in God's own image, but you're prejudiced against me and your poor vessel." She put the supplies in a sack and placed it in her cooler. She turned to get her slow cooker.

"My vessel is a righteous man. He prayed to be used by angels."

"I doubt whether he prayed for you." She placed her slow cooker in the cooler. "So, why are you here? Just to give me grief about helping Dean? Hasn't Sam dropped off your radar? Is Castiel the only one hunting for Sam? Probably best, because knowing you, you'll smite first and ask questions next."

"He's with that stain."

"That brings me to a question for you: if Dean is a 'mud monkey,' and apparently I'm a mud monkey, since we're human…"

Uriel interrupted her by grabbing her necklace with her grace dangling from it. "Do not lose this. This is the only thing that is keeping you from becoming fully human."

Caden pulled her necklace back. "I don't intend on losing it. So, to continue my question: I know you think that demon Sam's with is a stain, which I have to agree with you there. So, is Sam a demonic mud monkey? Demon blood and all. Pretty prejudiced, big brother. It's not over with him yet. He could still fight."

"You know more of our brothers and sisters fell in the last battle. We did win, but we lost a lot. But time is running out. And you're making jokes." Uriel said.

"I know. I felt them die. I wanted to be out with you guys. But, I'm not equipped to be on the battlefield. I'm a guardian. And right now, I'm trying to restore a human warrior, and I feel the clock ticking. I'd say my job is pretty important to you. But it needs to be done with finesse. Plus, these are your terms. I'm just trying to define them."

"Cadmiel…" Uriel's tone made Caden stop. "Your grace is also the only thing keeping you from being possessed as well. Since you insist on helping Winchester, you do realize that demons will have you in their crosshairs, right? They are watching every move that Dean makes. They may already be on to you. And you can die, even if they aren't able to possess you. So, be careful."

"I'll be careful, Uriel."

He sighed. "I can't believe I'm offering you a suggestion to restore a mud monkey to warrior status, but appeal to his protective instinct. He's still got that instinct."

"I think he's got all of his memories. They're just buried. But, thanks for the suggestion." She grinned. "See? Humans aren't so bad, are we?"

He mumbled something Caden couldn't quite catch and sat down at her table. "I will wait for you."

"Terrific," she said sarcastically, figuring that he wouldn't know that tone. "So, if you're going to hang around, do you want to feed Maverick? Make yourself useful?" At Uriel's glare, she shrugged, "OK, don't get yourself worked up. I'll feed him before I go."

* * *

Dean rubbed his eyes and continued logging his repairs. Already he had more repairs this month than his colleagues had in the last six months. _This is bull, _he thought, but he needed this job, so he continued logging.

A knock on the locked door interrupted him. He looked up to see Caden standing at the door, holding a big cooler. She waved at him as he came to open the door for her.

"Hi!" She said brightly as he opened the door. "I figured that even though you have to work, you still have to eat, right? So, since you weren't able to come over, I thought I'd bring the food to you."

"Thanks." He locked the door up behind her, and she set her cooler on the counter and began unloading it.

"So, obviously, this is to thank you for taking care of my Kitty, also just to get to know you better," Caden said. "I hope you like roast."

"Yeah. I don't eat it very often, though."

"Well, dig in. Beer's in the cooler, along with plates and silverware." She stepped away and looked around. "Rick Stevenson is the manager of this garage, right? His son, Justin, is one of the students I've been trying to counsel for college preparation. He refuses, though. Mumbles that he's going to take over his Dad's shop. He's pretty sullen."

"That sounds like him," Dean said as he filled up a plate and handed Caden the other. "He sometimes works here. I say 'works' pretty loosely."

She laughed, and Dean realized how much he liked her laugh. "Yeah, I bet," she said as she took the plate.

"So, Caden, tell me about yourself."

"There's not much to tell. What do you want to know?"

"Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

She laughed again. "Yeah. I come from a huge family. Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

"A brother. Sam."

"Are you close to him?"

Dean hesitated, mid-bite. He slowly chewed the meat, thinking over the question. "We are, and we aren't."

She leaned against the counter. "What do you mean?"

"Well, it's kind of hard to tell how close we were. Memory and all. I get the feeling that we fight and argue a lot. He's pretty stubborn."

"That would suck, not remembering anything. Do you have any memories? Of anything?"

"Feelings, really. I have a strange memory of my mother. At least, I think she's my mother."

Caden grinned. "That's good, isn't it? What's the memory?"

"It's a Christmas Eve. I couldn't be more than three years old, and I gave Mom an ornament I made in preschool. I can even remember the ornament. It was a lopsided snowflake with glitter on it. Mom loved it. She hugged me, and she smelled like vanilla. She was making those dipped pretzels. You know the ones I'm talking about?" At her nod, Dean looked down at his food. "Isn't that stupid that I remember that ornament and I can't remember the first time I drove or the first time I shot a gun?"

"Shot a gun?"

He looked up at Caden. "I remember shooting guns. Why do I remember that?"

"Maybe you were a hunter."

"I don't remember hunting animals."

"There are different kinds of hunters, you know?" Caden gently said.

"I wonder if this is the reason I'm not close to Sam."

Caden took a sip of her beer. "You know what I think? I think that Sam looks up to you. You're his big brother, right? He probably admires you, even though he may not be able to show it. And, even though you argue and fight, he probably respects your opinion…"

"I don't think so."

"Why?"

Dean hesitated. He wasn't sure how much he should tell her. She seemed like a nice woman, but he didn't want her to know that the answer to her question was that he didn't feel like he was that good of a person.

Caden frowned as she swallowed her food. "You don't think you're a very good person, do you? You think Sam's better than you? I don't think he is."

Dean felt a surge of anger welling up in him. She guessed what he was thinking, and he didn't like that. "You don't know him."

"I know you. You're a good man!"

"No, you don't know me."

She fell silent and picked at her food. He did the same for a few minutes while figuring out another repair to put in his log. Finally, he looked up at her. "Listen, I'm sorry for that. I didn't mean for that to come out like that. I'm just frustrated."

"Maybe you were meant for something other than mechanic work." She leaned forward. "You know, I've only been here for a year and a half, and since then, this garage has been through 5 mechanics. I think that says something about the type of boss Rick Peterson is."

"Rick's not a bad guy. Just fussy. And he's got a blind eye towards his kids. Especially Justin."

She nodded and began putting her plate in the bag. "Have some more. I made plenty."

Dean grinned. "I think I had enough. Thanks for doing this." He helped her gather up every thing she brought. "We should do this again sometime."

"Definitely!" She hesitated at the door. "Listen, don't take this as anything more than a friendly suggestion, but watch your back with Rick."

"He's a friend of a friend."

"I know. He's a friend of Bobby Singer's, and I know that you're staying with Bobby. But, just watch out for him. Just a feeling, you know. Oh, I was also going to offer my place for you to crash at when the weather gets bad. Please take it as a friend wanting to help out another friend. I've got a big house, tons of spare bedrooms, if you don't mind a yellow lab who will lick you to death and want to sleep with you."

Dean contemplated that offer as he let her out of the door. He needed to get away from Bobby's. Crashing in town would make sense when the weather got bad. Plus, Caden intrigued him. Although she seemed to be mostly popular around town, there was something a little vulnerable about her. Plus, she was alone. "I'll give you a call. And, I hope you don't mind if I keep this offer between you and me."

"Please do. This whole town has eyes and ears all over the place."

He walked her to her Cougar and put the cooler in her passenger's seat. "I'll talk to you later."

She started her car. "Please do. And please watch your back."

"I will," he shut her door and stepped away as she pulled away.

He glanced back toward the leaving car. He could see Justin standing at the corner, glaring at the car. Justin turned and stared at Dean with a smirk on his face. A shadow moved across the boy's eyes.

TBC

A/N: I was looking up angels on line, trying to do some research for this story. Really before I got characterizations of my original characters, I came across the angel Cadmiel. A female angel. She is the guardian of human destiny. I loved that.


	7. Chapter 7

**Tabula Rasa**

Sam circled the tied-up demon and wondered just how many of Lilith's and Alistair's demons were loose, wreaking havoc on earth. Every single demon needed to go back to Hell.

He glanced over at Ruby, who smiled at him.

This demon wasn't talking. About Lilith or Alistair. Not for the first time, Sam wondered if he was just on a wild goose chase.

"You don't want to talk to me?" Sam asked.

"Go to Hell," the possessed woman sneered. "You'll definitely get the royal treatment there. Unlike your brother. You should have a good time there. Plenty of other demons besides this bitch to screw."

Sam stopped his pacing and glared at the woman. He had enough of this woman, smirking at him. Two old and boring implications in the same breath. He sure wasn't Hell's royalty, and it was nobody's business what he did with Ruby.

In the back of his mind, he could hear Dean's voice, protesting one of those arguments. He missed Dean. It dawned on him that he hadn't spoken to Dean in almost a month.

He made a mental note to call Dean when he got back to the motel tonight.

"Are you going to do something, or just stand there and glare?" the possessed woman asked. "Since I don't know anything about Alistair or Lilith, you could just let me go."

Sam didn't answer. Instead he put out his hand, and immediately, the woman began gagging up the demon. In less than 30 seconds, the exorcism was over.

He rubbed out a portion of the Devil's Trap on the floor to allow Ruby to untie the woman.

She helped the woman out of the chair and walked her to the door, while Sam pulled out his maps. So far, they had no leads of Alistair or Lilith. This was the last town Alistair had wreaked havoc in, and that was 6 weeks ago. He was long gone now. And there seemed to be no psychotic, murderous little girls running around either.

He was frustrated. He just wanted this over with.

"That was record time, Sam," Ruby said as she came back from the door. "You're getting fast with that. No more headaches or anything?"

"No," Sam said curtly.

"Just asking. Dean hasn't called to distract you while you're doing the exorcisms. He's obviously moved on, getting on with his own life."

"Yeah." Sam pulled out his phone. "I also turn off my phone whenever I do have a hunt or an exorcism." He slammed the table beside his maps. "Nothing! It seems like Lilith and Alistair have disappeared off the face of the earth!"

"You need to calm down. This hunt for two demons who are not in the same towns is going to make you crazy. Lilith's not dumb—she knows what you're doing. Let her come to you."

"What if she goes after Dean first? That's what she's done in the past."

Ruby frowned. "Dean is not a threat to her anymore. She won't go after him. It's you she wants. So let her come to you. Plus, if you calm down, maybe Lilith will turn up."

Sam rubbed his face with his hand. He was tired. He could use a break. "What about Alistair?"

"Quit looking for him. He's Lilith's lap dog. If a lap dog was a snarling, growling Rottweiler. And, as I said, if you want to look for him, count me out of it."

"OK."

Ruby's frown transformed to a smile. "Really?"

"Yeah. I'll let them find me."

* * *

Brent came into the garage with the tow truck and threw down the keys, causing Dean to roll out from under the car.

"I think people should take IQ tests before they drive," Brent announced.

"You didn't bring the car here?" Dean asked.

"Of course not! There was nothing wrong with Old Lady Peterson's car!"

"That's not what she said on the phone. She said it sputtered and died."

"Of course it did!" Brent practically shouted. "The car ran out of gas! I think if you can't read the 'E' on your fuel gauge, maybe driving isn't for you! I towed her to QuickTrip, and charged her $80 for my trouble!"

Dean chuckled and rolled back under the car, stopping when he heard Brent say, "By the way, it's really starting to snow out there. The roads are starting to get really slick. It's supposed to last all night. Dean, be careful when you're driving to Bobby's tonight. And especially in the morning. The roads are going to be murder."

Dean stood up and looked out of the garage door's window. The whole outside was gray and white. He could hear ice pelting on the parking lot. "Terrific. We'll be busy tomorrow because idiot drivers who forget how to drive on this stuff."

"Yep."

He reached for his cell phone in his pocket and walked outside. The cold air hit him like a knives. He didn't want to stay out here too long. He sure didn't want to drive the 15 miles to Bobby's, not if he could help it. He trusted the Impala, and he trusted his own driving skills. He just didn't trust anyone else's skills.

He dialed Caden's cell phone, hoping her offer was still good.

"_Hello?" _Caden's voice answered.

"Hey, Caden. It's me, Dean? Dean Winchester?"

He could hear a laugh in her voice as she said, _"I'm pretty sure that I don't need your last name, Dean Dean Winchester. What's up?"_

Dean instantly felt this was a bad idea. He felt awkward. _I'm forcing myself on her. _"Just thought I'd tell you to be careful when you're driving. I don't want to see you or your Kitty in here."

"_Well, I appreciate that. I'm pretty sure we're going to have a snow day tomorrow. That's what the rumor is. I'll find out for sure, probably in about 30 minutes." _She paused and cleared her throat. _"You know, my offer still stands. You are more than welcome to crash at my place tonight. In fact, I'm going to have to insist. I would feel horrible if I found out you got into an accident tonight or tomorrow."_

"Are you sure it's OK?"

"_Well, I can check with Maverick, but I'm sure he'll be cool with a guest. When I get out of here, I'll swing by the grocery store, pick up a frozen pizza. That's OK with you, right?"_

"Yeah."

"_Any particular kind?"_

"Can you get all meat?"

"_I'll try. I've also got tons of movies. I might have something you can watch."_

Dean chuckled. "All chick flicks, right? I don't do chick flicks."

"_I've got a couple, but that's not my genre either. So, I'll see you when you get off of work?"_

"Yeah."

"_See you then." _With that, she hung up.

Dean smiled and clicked off his phone. He beat a hasty retreat back inside. It was freezing out here.

* * *

Caden hung up her phone and looked out the window at the snow. She hated the snow. She wished that her assignments would have taken her to Hawaii, but in the words of the philosopher Jagger "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime, you find, you get what you need."

She walked out of her office and glanced into the vice principal's office. "Dan, have you found out if there's a snow day tomorrow?"

He looked up at her. "I'm thinking yes, but I'll let you know."

She nodded. She itched to talk to him about his marriage because she knew it could be saved. But, he was such a private man, and she wasn't supposed to know that his wife was threatening to leave him.

_You can't always get what you want…_

Caden walked towards the main office area. _When you want to find out something, ask the secretaries, not the principals. _"Michelle? Any word on snow days?"

"I got an email from the superintendant's office. I'm looking now," Michelle said. "However, this isn't word on snow days or if the school is closing early."

Caden looked over. Castiel was sitting in a chair, gazing at her. "Hey, Michelle, when you find out something, knock on my door."

"Will do, Caden."

Castiel stood up and followed her to her office. She let him in and locked the door behind her. "I don't have much news, Cas. I did already report that Dean remembers shooting… stuff… right?"

"Yes."

"I really haven't had much of a chance to talk to him since then. But, he's spending the night at my house tonight. Tomorrow, I may know something more. Heck, we may watch _The Exorcist_, just to see if that sparks anything."

"We're running out of time."

She sighed. "_The Exorcist_ it is."

A knock sounded on her door. _"Caden, I got word. We're getting off now. And no school tomorrow."_

She ignored Michelle's knock. "Cas, I'll see what I can find out tonight. Get in touch with me tomorrow."

"Alright."

She grabbed her coat and walked out of her office.

* * *

Dean hesitated as he sat in the Impala in front of Caden's house. Although Bobby seemed pleased that Dean had a place to stay in town and not risk the roads and the idiot drivers.

He just felt awkward.

However, it was cold out. He couldn't stay out here.

He walked to the front door and rang the doorbell. Inside, he could hear Maverick tripping over his big feet, trying to get to the door. Everything seemed so normal. He suddenly felt a longing for it.

He knew he had never had a normal life. The life he had now seemed false.

His melancholy thoughts left when Caden answered the door. "Come on in. Stay down, Maverick!"

Dean knelt down beside the excitable dog, who immediately flopped over on his back. Caden shook her head. "You're just spoiling him, you know. He's going to expect that from you all night. Prepare yourself for a bedmate."

"I've had worse things in bed with me."

Caden paused. "I so didn't want to know that."

Dean stood up and walked into the living room. On her wall was a picture of an angel. "You like angels?" he called to her in the kitchen.

"Yeah," she called back.

"You believe in angels?" He picked up the picture.

She came out into the living room. "Not like that. That's a Renaissance adaptation. In reality, angels aren't cuddly, Roma Downey-type beings. They're warriors, messengers, guardians. Although, probably guardians would be closer to this type of depiction. Just without the wings."

"You have quite an imagination." He caught something on the ceiling out of the corner of his eye. An odd wood color that didn't match the other boards and looked up. "Hey, Bobby has this same pattern on his ceiling."

"It's a Key of Solomon, probably better known as a Devil's Trap. It keeps people I don't want to see at bay."

"Creditors?"

She laughed. "Not as many as you would think." She put down the picture. "I'll give you a grand tour before we eat. This is the living room. Don't sit in Maverick's chair. Kitchen through that door." She led him upstairs. "Bedrooms. There's a hallway bathroom. My bedroom has its own bathroom. This is it."

Dean looked in Caden's bedroom. It was a spacious room, with antique furniture, although there was little in the way of personal items. "Are you collector or have they been passed down to you?" He asked.

"I've picked them up along the way."

A display case caught his eye. There were different sizes of daggers and blades. It seemed like such an odd thing for a woman to have. "These look old!" Dean said.

"A couple of them are over 300 years old."

"Why do you have them?" Dean looked closer at the knives. Some of them had similar markings on them. "These are awesome!"

"Let's just say right now that they're for protection. The ones with the markings on them can kill anything." At Dean's strange look, she chuckled. "It might be a legend. My family has an interest in what these can kill." At that, she backed up. "You have your pick of either one of the spare bedrooms. I'm going to check on the pizza."

Dean looked back at the knives. Again, he was struck by the idea that these were such an odd thing for Caden to have. But, something in the back of his mind told him that he had not only heard of knives and daggers that could kill anything, he had used one.

Maverick whined, interrupting his thoughts. Dean looked down to see the yellow dog sitting beside him, grinning up at him. He reached down and pet Maverick's big head, which caused the tail to thump against the floor. "I'll go look at the other bedrooms. Which one do you think I should crash in, Mav?"

The dog stood up and led him out the door and down the hall.

* * *

Dean sat back as he ate the last bite of his pizza and watched Caden finish her slice. "Thanks, Caden," he said softly. "I've really enjoyed this."

She stood up and picked up Dean's plate. "You're welcome. Usually, it's just me and my dog. It's nice having a friend over." She walked to the sink. "If you want, we can watch a movie. I've got many DVDs. What do you want to watch?"

"I don't care."

She rinsed off the plates and put them in the dishwasher. "How about _P.S. I Love You_?"

"Is that a chick flick?"

She grinned. "Yeah."

"No thanks."

"No chick flicks. That's right. How about horror? How about _The Exorcist_?"

"You go in extremes, don't you? _The Exorcist_ would be better."

She followed him into the living room. "OK." She popped in the DVD and sat in a chair. Dean took the couch. Maverick took another chair beside Caden's.

They watched in silence for several minutes. Dean watched it intently, while Caden jumped at the appropriate scares. "That nightmare always gives me the creeps," she said.

Close to the middle of the movie, Dean leaned forward, listening to the priests' exorcism of Regan. "Those aren't the right words."

"What do you mean?"

"They're doing that exorcism wrong. You do it in Latin, for one. And those aren't the right words, even with the English translation."

Caden leaned forward. "What do you remember?"

Dean stood up. "I don't know," he said as he walked out of the room. He turned back to Caden. "I hope you don't mind, but I'm turning in. I have to get an early start tomorrow. G'night."

"Good night, Dean," Caden said softly as he went upstairs.

TBC

A/N: I'm ending here. I could have gone further. But, I'll save it for the next chapter.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: I'm thinking that I probably had better stories I could have put up instead of this one. So, I'm now wanting to get this up. This is chapter 8, so three more chapters to go.

**Tabula Rasa**

The familiar looking woman turned around, displaying her white eyes, slamming Dean onto the table, before pinning Sam to the wall. Dean tried to put up a typical brave, snarky front, until she said "Sic 'em, boy" and opened the door.

The biggest, ugliest, meanest dog came charging into the room. Dean tried to get away from the hound, but he couldn't move. The hound ignored Sam who was pinned against the wall and attacked Dean, as if Dean was a nice, juicy rawhide bone, dragging him off the table.

Dean tried to get away from the animal—he couldn't even describe this creature as a dog—but he couldn't get more than a couple of inches away from it.

The creature bit and clawed Dean's legs, chest, shoulders. Through the excruciating pain and blood loss, Dean could see the white-eyed woman turn her attention on Sam. She raised her hand and a white light came out of it.

Dean wanted to yell to stop her, move, block Sam's path. Anything. But he couldn't move, due to the blood loss. Blackness overcame him, blocking out the white light.

He felt even worse pain as his body tore apart.

"Sam!" He yelled, as he felt his body being torn apart.

"Sam!" Dean jerked away, sweat pouring off him, in spite of the freezing temperature outside. For a moment he didn't know where he was, then he remembered: Caden's house. Dean rolled over, kicking off his tangled blankets, and looked at the alarm clock. It was flashing 12:00.

_Terrific. The power went out. _He checked his watch. It was just before 2:00 in the morning. He set the alarm on his watch for 7:00, but he figured he wasn't going to be able to sleep any more tonight. Thanks to that nightmare.

He got out of bed and walked over to the window. It was still snowing. He could see the Impala, blanketed with snow. The street looked horrible. _It'll be busy, _he thought. _Idiotic drivers._

Dean thought he saw a shadow move across the snow. He looked closely at the area of snow, but he couldn't see anything out of the ordinary.

He walked out of the room and down the hall. Caden's bedroom door was almost closed. He slowly opened the door to check on her. She was asleep in the bed, with Maverick curled up at the foot.

_Everything seems alright_, he thought as he closed the door.

A crash outside the house made Dean's heart speed up. He slowly crept down the dark staircase to the front door and looked out. He didn't see anything.

He slowly walked toward the living room, keeping low past the windows and looked out.

He could see a teenaged boy standing outside, staring at the house. None of the boy's features could be seen, but Dean could swear that the eyes were black.

"Dean?" Caden's sleepy voice made him jump. She rubbed her eyes. "What are you doing? She reached for the light.

Dean shook his head at her. _Get down, _he instinctively signed at her. _There's someone outside. Wait here. I'm going to the car and get some weapons._

She frowned at him. "Is that military sign language? You know military sign language? I don't. I don't know what you're asking me to do."

Dean grabbed Caden and pulled her to the floor. _"There's someone outside," _he hissed in her ear.

"What?" she raised herself up to look out of the window.

"_No!" _Dean pulled her down again. _"Stay down. There are weapons in the trunk of my car. I'm going to get one. Just wait here." _He paused, knowing how strange this next thing was going to sound. _"Put salt around the doors and windows."_

"OK," she said.

He looked at her, stunned. Finally, he nodded and let go of Caden's arm and left the room, grabbing his keys as he left. He turned around to see her crawl towards the kitchen.

Dean slowly walked down the porch. He decided not to go down the icy sidewalk, opting for the snowy yard instead. As he made his way for the Impala, he kept his eyes on the side of the house where the boy was standing. As he reached the car, he wondered how he knew of the weapons which were in the trunk. But, he found them, below the false bottom that he dimly remembered putting in when he restored his baby.

_I remember restoring my baby! _He thought as he took out a shotgun. He checked the weapon. Shells full of salt were in it.

_Salt? Seems to be a common condiment in my scrambled brain._

He cocked the gun and softly closed the false bottom and the trunk. The boy hadn't come from the side of the house. _Unless he's in the back or inside!_

He slowly moved around to the side of the house. The boy was still standing there, just staring at the house. The boy turned to Dean, his eyes black.

"Dean Winchester," the boy sneered. "Lilith will not be happy to hear that you're hanging out with another angel."

"What?"

At that, the boy reared his head back and screamed. Screechy black smoke came roaring out the boy's mouth. _Holy shit! _Dean thought, staring at the pillar of smoke in shock.

This seemed incredibly familiar.

Dean breathed hard as the boy fell to his knees and gaped up at him. The front door slammed, and Dean turned to see Caden and Maverick walk to the edge of the porch. Maverick growled and park at the boy.

"Luke Anderson?" Caden asked. "What are you doing?"

Luke started sobbing. "Please, Miss Powers. I couldn't help it! Please don't call the cops or my parents! I couldn't stop it! I could see everything, and feel everything. But I didn't have control of my own body."

"Shut up, Maverick," she said, and the dog fell silent. "Is it gone, Dean?"

"S-something came out," Dean stammered.

"You know what it is," Caden said smoothly. "A demon. Probably one of Lilith's henchmen."

A part of Dean wanted to call some psychiatrist and have Caden locked up in a mental institution. He wanted to drive away as fast as he could, damn the roads. However, most of his jumbled thoughts couldn't stop screaming at him that he should have known this. That he should have remembered this.

Nothing made sense and everything made sense.

"A-a d-demon?" Luke sobbed out. "You mean I was possessed? That's insane! There's no such thing as possessions!"

Caden looked at Dean, deep sorrow was in her eyes. "I wish there wasn't. But you were possessed. You said that you didn't have control over your own body. Come here, Luke. I have something for you, and I want you to give them to your friends. Tell them this is a good luck charm, and it only works if they carry it on them at all times. And take one for yourself."

Luke staggered over to the porch, and she handed him a small bag. "What are these?"

"Anti-possession charms." She leaned over the snowy porch railing. "Luke, did the demon say anything? Do you know if it was alone, or are there more around here?"

He looked at her fearful. "There're more here."

"Are you OK to get home? I can walk with you, if you want."

"S'OK, Miss Powers," he mumbled. "And I'll give these to all my friends." He walked away.

Caden bowed her head for a couple seconds, then looked back up at Dean. He could see tears in her eyes.

He couldn't find his voice.

"I'm freezing out here. I'm going inside. I'll answer any questions you have, but inside. Heel, Mav."

Dean stared after her retreating form and looked up into the snow falling. He was aware of freezing, but he couldn't move. The snow was blank. Just like him.

_I remember… I remember! What do I remember? _He still had holes in his mind. But these were memories he wished had stayed away.

_This is just part of my nightmare. I'm actually still asleep… I have to be. This is just too crazy for it to be anything but a dream. _Except he knew it wasn't.

He finally was able to move. He slowly walked up the porch and was about ready to open the door when he heard Caden crying.

He felt terrible. The demon recognized him. He had brought this on her.

Although the demon had mentioned that he was hanging out with an angel. _What did that mean?_

He opened the door and stepped into the warm house. She had put a salt ring where the door couldn't mess it up. From the kitchen, he heard Caden chokingly whisper, _"I failed, Castiel. I knew that demons could find me, but I didn't believe it." _He lightly stepped in the kitchen behind her. Maverick's head was on her lap, and she continued whispering to no one, _"He knows. It was beat into him. And now he must hate me."_

The dog spotted him and wagged his tail against the table leg, causing Caden to quickly look behind her. She brushed the tears from her cheeks.

"I remember now," he said, inwardly wincing at the harshness and rawness of his voice. He didn't mean to sound so angry, because he wasn't. At least, not at Caden. He was pissed at himself for not remembering this earlier. He cleared his throat. "You've been asking what I remember, and I remember everything."

"Good. I'm glad. Listen, you need to talk to Sam. Get together with him again."

"I'll call him." Dean sat down opposite Caden at the table. He nervously played with her crystal. "What did he mean by me hanging out with angels?" She started chewing on the link that hooked her crystal to her necklace chain, and he instinctively felt for his amulet. _Sam gave me this. For Christmas. I was twelve, almost thirteen, and he was eight. Dad was on a hunt, didn't come home until after New Year's. He made it up to us by stealing another beer can wreath._

He remembered…

"Dean," Caden began hesitantly. "It's true. I'm an angel."

"There's no such thing as angels."

Caden looked at him, confused. "You don't remember Castiel? Uriel?"

"No. See the way I'm figuring it is that you're the daughter of a hunter. Or you come from a family of hunters."

"No. You don't remember everything, then."

"Who's Lilith?"

Caden frowned. "You remember some stuff. You don't remember everything. Lilith is a demon who is breaking seals in order to raise Lucifer. She only needs to break 66 seals. She's broken 30 of them already. She needs to be stopped. Part of our problem is that for every seal we stop from breaking, she and her protégé has, maybe 10 alternatives. And I _am _an angel. A guardian who guides human destiny. My real name is Cadmiel."

"Sure. Where are your wings?"

She sighed, frustrated. "I don't _have_ wings."

"So, you're like a demon? Possessing a host body?"

"I'm not possessing anyone. This is my own body." She pulled out her crystal. "I was given this assignment almost 2,000 years ago. Become human. Go in and out of humans' lives, guiding them toward their destiny. I'm trying to help you towards your destiny. This is my grace. If I'm wearing it or holding it, it keeps me from being possessed, and it keeps me alive. If I get in trouble, I'm supposed to break this crystal, release my grace. It'll kill me, but it will restore my powers before I go. I promised I'd answer your questions. Even the ones you didn't ask verbally."

Dean stood up from the table. "I think you're stressed out and imagining things, Caden. I think you need to get some sleep, and so do I. Because there are no such things as angels."

"Five minutes ago, you may have said the same thing about demons, right? If I would have asked you about demons, you probably would have denied remembering them. But you've been working with my brother, Castiel. He was the one who asked me to help you restore your memories."

Dean stopped his argument in mid-thought. That name sounded familiar. He had a memory pop up of a kind-faced man in a trench coat revealing shadows of wings. He was the same man who appeared in the doorway of Dean's hospital room.

_This is too much to process right now._ Dean cleared his throat. "Caden, or Cadmiel, whatever your name is, I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to leave."

"It's 2:00 in the morning! The streets are terrible!" She protested.

"I'll be OK. I'm going to go ahead and go to Bobby's. I'll call you when I get there, let you know I got there alright."

Tears filled her eyes again. "I understand."

Dean nodded and went upstairs to grab what he had brought with him from the garage.

As he walked out by the kitchen, he glanced in to see Caden still sitting at the table, staring into space, absently stroking Maverick's head.

* * *

Sam woke up when he heard his cell phone ring. Beside him, Ruby shifted in her sleep. Sam grabbed the phone and took a deep breath when he saw Dean's caller ID.

He flipped it open. "Dean?" He whispered. "What's going on? Do you know what time it is?"

"_Where you're at? No, I don't," _Dean sounded pissed off. _"I don't even know what you're doing. I'm not supposed to remember. I can only assume you're going after demons."_

Sam sat up. "What?" he breathed out.

"_Yeah. I remember. Thanks for letting me know about this. It's always nice not to be caught blindsided by demons checking in on you."_

"Are… are you OK?"

"_Peachy. Oh, and apparently Caden is actually an angel!" _Dean chuckled humorously. _"I don't know what you were thinking about dumping me here, where I can be completely useless and out of my element, but I really appreciate it."_

"Dean…" Sam squeezed his eyes shut, unsure what to say. "I thought I was helping you. Give you a life away from this."

"_Who asked you to? Who asked you to make this decision for me? OK, your intentions might have been good, but obviously demons and angels can't leave me alone. You left me here, blind, stupid and useless. And completely unprepared when memories came back."_

"How much do you remember?"

"_Thanks to Caden, I remember enough."_

"OK, I'll be right there."

"_Don't bother. I can take care of myself." _

There was a long silence. "Dean? Are you there?"

Dean's voice sounded pained and strained. _"Are you using your freaky ESP?"_

"No." Sam squeezed his eyes shut again. Ruby woke up beside him.

"_Now I'm supposed to believe that? Is Ruby there with you?"_

_Dammit! _Sam thought to himself. He probably shouldn't have kept away from Dean so long. Obviously Dean had many, if not most of his memories back. _So much for having a normal life. _"I'm sorry for everything, Dean."

Dean sighed. _"I know. You were only trying to help me."_

Sam began pulling on his jeans. "I'm going to come out. We can talk about this in person."

"_OK. Listen, I have to concentrate on driving. The roads are horrible. I'm driving out to Bobby's."_

Sam checked his watch, mentally calculating the time. "At 2 in the morning?"

"_It's been a crazy night." _At that, Dean hung up the phone.

"What's going on?" Ruby asked.

"Dean has his memories back." Sam stopped when he saw the look on Ruby's face. "What?"

"Sam, this isn't good for anyone. Lilith has got to know that Dean can remember."

"This is why I'm going to South Dakota. To help him."

Suddenly, his phone rang again. Sam checked his caller ID, but it was an unknown number. "Hello?"

There was a moment of silence, then a man said, _"Hello, Sam? You wanted to see me? Well, I'm in town."_

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Y'all rock! That's all. Your reviews make my day.

**Tabula Rasa**

"Where are you?" Sam asked angrily.

"_I'm in the Catholic Church on the corner," _Alistair said. _"You know, I never realized churches were so beautiful. All those stained glass windows."_

"I'll be there, you son of a bitch." Sam hung up his phone. "OK, change of plans."

Ruby looked up. "We're not going to Dean?"

"You are. That was Alistair."

"Yeah, I'm not going with you." She paused. "You mean that sadistic son of a bitch is more important to you than your brother?"

Sam tucked Ruby's dagger in his coat pocket. Ruby's words made him stop and think. "No. Of course not. But, if I don't take care of Alistair, if I don't do anything about him torturing Dean to the point of breaking, I just let Dean down. So, find Dean, since you don't want to help me face down Alistair. You can explain to him what's going on, and that I'm on my way."

With that, he walked out of the room.

He walked down the block to the cathedral and looked up its tall spires and stained glass windows. He really didn't see them.

The door was unlocked, and he walked into the sanctuary. A man wearing priest's vestments stood at the pulpit. He grinned as Sam came walked down the aisle.

"Brother, you have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God!" He stepped away from the pulpit. "You know, I've never had a chance to notice how beautiful churches really are."

Sam pulled out Ruby's knife. "If you admire churches so much, it'll be a good thing you're going to die in one."

Alistair laughed and stepped away from the pulpit. "Easy, son. I don't plan on dying tonight. Or any time. I just want to talk. Try to make you understand the road you're going down. You think you're going to kill me? That's cute. You know, Dean kept threatening to get off the rack and take me down with his bare hands. To be honest, I was more scared of him than I am of you. I've seen what he can do. Once he did get off the rack, he was probably the best torturer I have ever seen. He has it in him, and you know it. You? You won't kill me. You _can't _kill me."

"You don't know me."

"Well, the way I see it, you have three options. You can let me go."

"Not a chance." Sam wondered why he was still listening to Alistair talk.

"It's actually your best option if you want to keep on the straight and narrow. Actually, it would be the slower, longer path to Hell, because, my friend, you're heading there. Listening to demons isn't smart, son."

"Then I don't know why I'm listening to you."

Alistair sat down in a front pew. "It's in your blood to listen to me. You could exorcise me back to Hell. But if you use your powers, which are faster than that Latin, you head further down the path to become Hell's bitch." At Sam's angry look, Alistair grinned. "You didn't know that did you? Did you think your powers were good? They twist your mind. They're designed to. But, you can't just stop them."

"You don't know me." Sam lifted his knife again. "I can stop from using my powers."

"You're addicted to them. The more you use them, the harder your fall will be. Your fall is already going to be hard enough. Believe me when I tell you that your powers will kill you. So, say you do a regular Latin exorcism. I'll go back to Hell where I'll resume torturing souls. Which is fine. Every soul in Hell deserves to be there. Even those who have been touched by angels."

"I _will_ kill you, you son of a bitch."

Alistair turned and faced Sam. "That's right! You could kill me. You could plunge that knife in me and end my existence. Of course, you do that right now, you'd also be killing an innocent priest whose meatsuit I'm wearing. So the priest goes to Hell, and I disappear, right? Of course, this guy can't help that I possessed him. Maybe he'll go to Heaven after you kill him. I don't know. I really don't care. All I know is that if you kill me, you'll be taking my place as torturer. That's great for an ambitious man like you, right?"

"What are you talking about?" Sam was horrified to discover that he was sitting beside Alistair. He silently cursed himself for being taken in by Alistair's story. He shifted his weight. "I don't know why I'm listening to you," he repeated.

"You're listening to me because you know you can trust me. I'm just like you, Sam." He leaned back against the pew. "Do you know I have a brother? I _had _a brother. Older brother. We were as close as you and Dean until the end. However, he had his own thing going. He was leading his own revolt against Lilith, using his own demons and handpicked children to try to defeat her."

"Azazel?" Sam breathed. "Azazel was your brother?"

"I don't have a fight with you, son. I don't even have a problem with Dean. Although he killed my brother, he was just another soul in Hell to torture. OK, maybe I did put some special torture to him. However, Lilith is… Lilith will bring Hell with her. You're immune to her, and you'll be greeted as a victor in Hell. Even sooner if you kill me with that little knife of yours. But Lilith? Lilith deserves to die."

Sam fingered the knife. He felt his power bubble inside him, and he needed a fix of it.

"You claim you're close to Dean. So ask yourself this: what would Dean think about your plans?"

Sam hesitated again.

"Do you know who suffers the most with these powers of yours? These thoughts? Your brother. He would probably give up his soul again to keep you out of Hell. However, while you'll be greeted as a victor, Dean will be put back on the rack. And you'll be his torturer. Won't that be fun! Besides, Dean is always a pain in your ass. That's why you left without him, right? It didn't have anything to do with his lack of memories."

Sam couldn't breath. He glared at Alistair.

"Think what I said over." Alistair stood up. "While you're thinking it over, I'm leaving. I'll be seeing you again." He turned back to Sam. "Oh, Sam, make sure you know who you can trust."

"So I can trust you?"

"No. I'm a demon. You do know I'm leading you on, right?"

_That does it_, Sam thought. He stood up and raised his hand. Before he could start concentrating, Alistair gave a jaunty wave, put his head back, and roared. The demonic smoke poured out of his mouth and out the doors.

Sam put down his hand. The priest blinked up at him in confusion.

"Son? What just happened?"

Sam shook his head and walked out of the cathedral and back to the motel.

Ruby had left.

Sam lay down on his bed. Dean would have to wait. Ruby was on her way to talk to Dean. She could make him understand.

In the meantime, Sam had a lot of thinking to do.

* * *

Dean sighed in frustration and gripped the steering wheel tighter. Beside him Bobby shifted in the seat.

"You're rusty, Dean. It's understandable. It's been 6 months since you went on a hunt. And you did fine."

"The ghost almost got you."

"It didn't, though. You took care of it. You did good."

Dean relaxed his hands a little bit. "Have you heard from Sam?"

"Yeah I asked him why he hasn't come yet. He said to tell you that he's on his way, but he fell into a hunt that he can't just wrap up yet. But he will come after he's finished. He says he's sorry."

"Yeah, he told me the same thing last time I talked to him. But, it's been two weeks since he said that he was coming. Are you sure he's OK?"

"He sounded fine to me. A little evasive, but that's Sam for you."

"I guess. I wonder if he's using his powers."

Bobby sighed. "He told you he wasn't."

"And you believe him?" Bobby shook his head. "I don't either." Dean leaned his arm on the door and rested his head on his hand. "I'd go find him, but I don't even know what part of the country he's even in."

Bobby nodded and fell silent.

* * *

Sam paced around his room. It had been just over two weeks since he talked to both Dean and Alistair. Although he had talked to both Dean and Bobby a couple times since then, he was irritated. With everything. Himself, Dean, Bobby, Alistair. And Ruby.

Ruby never made it to South Dakota. He wondered why.

Alistair's words still rang in his ears. _What would Dean think of your plans? _He knew the answer. Dean wouldn't like them. Dean wouldn't like it if he killed Alistair. The asshole might deserve it—Dean would probably agree with that—but not at the cost of Sam's soul.

Sam wasn't too concerned with his soul. He knew where he was going. Dean couldn't go back, though.

It would be nice to hunt with Dean again. To protect him physically. Particularly since angels and demons weren't going to leave him alone. And knowing Dean, he was hunting again already, probably never lost a step.

He needed Dean as his anchor, his life line. He was scared he was losing himself.

He grabbed his keys. If he left now, he could be in South Dakota by late afternoon.

* * *

Dean stared at the car's brakes, frustrated at the state of them. The idiot had been driving with her emergency brake on. She claimed she that he wasn't aware she was driving with it engaged, and she didn't want to pay for new brakes. She even accused Dean of trying to cheat her.

"Dean?" Brent called from the office.

"What?" Dean could hear himself growling. He had been growling at everything for the last two weeks, since that crazy night.

He also hadn't seen Caden since then. He called her after he chewed out Sam to let her know he got to Bobby's alright. That was the last time he had heard from her.

"Dean?" Brent asked again, this time beside him. "Why don't you get a cup of coffee or something? You just seem beat."

He dropped his tools in the tool box. "Is Rick here yet?"

"No. He hasn't come in yet."

"It's almost 10:30. Where is he?"

"Who cares? Why do you want to know?"

"I need to talk to him," Dean muttered.

Brent sighed. "You're burned out. I understand it. Customers have been especially idiotic lately. And it seems like you've been working on most of the cars. You're good, but you can't keep it up."

Dean walked outside to get a breath of fresh air. He saw a man standing by his car.

The man spotted him and came over. "Dean?" he asked.

"I know you. You're the guy who visited me in the hospital."

"Dean, my name is Castiel."

"Right. You're an angel."

"You do remember me."

Dean paused. Although he was being sarcastic, he did remember Castiel. "What can I do for you, Castiel?"

"Have you heard from Caden today?"

"No. Isn't she at the school?"

"No."

"Well, did you try at her house?"

Castiel sighed. "I can't get any further than her driveway. To be honest, I'm worried about her. The only way that she could make her house off-limits to other angels is if she used a blood-letting spell."

"Is that what I think it is? Anna used that to send you and Uriel away that time, didn't she? Any reason that Caden would do that to you?"

"Not unless she's in trouble. And doesn't want other angels to get inside."

"Do you think she's in trouble because of me?" Dean asked.

Castiel didn't answer.

Dean took his silence as a "yes." He pulled out his phone and hit the number to speed dial her.

After four rings, the phone was picked up. After a couple seconds of silence, Dean could hear Caden's strained voice saying, _"What?"_

"Hey, Caden. It's Dean."

"_Yeah?"_

Dean frowned. He could hear pain in her voice. A disturbing shortness of breath in her terse words. "I know I haven't talked to you since that night, but it was just a shock, you know?"

"_It must have been."_

"I just met Castiel. He says that he can't get up your driveway. We'd like to know if you're alright."

"_I'm fine."_

"Are you sure? You sound like you're in pain. Why don't I come over and see if everything's OK?" He could hear people in the background, but he couldn't make out their words. All he knew was that someone was in her house.

Or something.

"_I want you to leave me alone."_

"What?"

"_Why don't you get out of town and leave me alone?"_

"Caden?"

There were a couple seconds of silence before the phone hung up.

Dean folded his phone. "You're right to be worried. I think there's someone in her house. I'm going over there."

"Thank you," Castiel said.

Dean looked away, embarrassed. When he turned back, Castiel was gone.

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Word of warning: Sam's part in the development of the story is pretty much over. He's not in this chapter. Again, thank you for all your reviews! Also, I should let you know that the first scene is a flashback. Just in case it's not clear. And it's pretty dark. Word of warning. I'd say this is the darkest chapter I've ever written. And I really don't care much for it.

**Tabula Rasa**

Caden ran down the stairs as she checked her watch. It was 7:00. Crap! _I am going to be so late to work! _she thought.

Maverick ran ahead of her as she started the coffee pot. He danced and tried to lick her face as she dumped food into his bowl.

She ran back upstairs to change from her sleep clothes to a dress. As she was applying makeup, she heard Maverick growling and barking at the front door.

She ran back downstairs to see Maverick standing at the door, his fur standing straight up. "What is it, Mav?" she asked him.

He ignored her and continued growling and scratching at the door.

"Go out your own door."

He stopped growling, as if to think about that advice. Finally, he turned and ran to the back door and out his doggie door.

"Crazy dog," she muttered to herself as she poured herself a cup of coffee. She mentally evaluated what she had to do today as she heard Maverick growling in the back yard.

She put down her mug as she saw the time on the coffee maker flicker on and off. Just then, she heard Maverick's growling turn into a sharp whimper, then silence.

"Maverick!" She ran outside.

Maverick lay dead on the ground.

"No!" she cried out, kneeling beside her best friend. "Please, God, no!"

"Cadmiel," a female voice behind her hissed out. "It was just a mutt. Besides, it attacked us."

Caden turned around to see Rick and Justin Peterson standing on her porch, flanking a girl who she recognized as Justin's girlfriend, although she didn't know the girl's name. Justin had a shotgun trained on her. At the same time, all three intruders' eyes flipped to display their demonic influences. The men's eyes turned black; the girl's eyes turned white.

"Lilith?" she choked out. "Why did you kill my dog?"

She stepped forward, squatting down beside Caden, and slowly said, "It attacked us. You should have trained it better, Cadmiel."

"What do you want?"

She stood back up. "I simply I want to know how much Dean remembers. I know you've been helping him regain his memories, and I know that some or all of them have come back. If everything has come back, it's going to be bad for everyone."

"Especially you, right?" Caden stood up.

"I want you to tell me everything that you know Dean remembers. Oh, and I also want your grace."

"What? I'm not giving you my grace."

"I didn't think so. Now I'll settle for asking again how much Dean remembers. Someone's going to die today. It's going to be you or Dean."

Caden looked up at the men on her porch. She wished they would say something. "It could be you, Lilith. Since you're not asking Dean personally, I'm taking it to mean that you don't want to see him. You're scared of him!"

Lilith glared at her. "I'm not scared of any human."

"Yet you're scared of Dean. This is the reason you want my grace, why you're asking me about what he remembers. The only way you think you can defeat him is if you have an angel's powers! Now, smoke away because I have to bury my dog. And I'm already late for work." She walked away from Lilith and up her porch, but Rick and Justin blocked her way. "Move, boys, or I'll make you move."

"I don't think you will, Cadmiel," Justin said. "You can't. Right now, you're human." He leaned forward, and Caden leaned back, disgusted by his breath. "You know, I've always wanted you. Or actually, Justin has always wanted you. I might actually leave him for a few minutes and let him have some fun with you before I come back and have my own fun with you."

"We're going to have a lot of fun," Rick sneered, squeezing her arm and roughly pulling her to him. "We'll get you to beg for mercy, then you will give us everything we want, including that grace of yours."

"And I'm going to watch!" Lilith chimed up.

As Caden turned to her, Justin reached out and grabbed her grace crystal and pulled his hand back as it shocked him. After shaking the pain out of his hand, he responded by punching Caden in the face. She staggered back, keeping from dropping to her porch stairs by Rick tightening his grip on her arm, twisting it.

"You're an idiot!" Lilith said as she stepped onto the porch beside them. "You're not going to just take her grace from her. Only an angel can touch that crystal, unless she gives it to us. And she will give it to us. Take her upstairs. Avoid any Key of Solomon she has in the house."

Caden tried to pull herself away, but Rick kept his vice-like grip on her arm and pulled back. She felt her shoulder slowly start to separate. Unless she wanted all her joints to get dislocated now, she knew she had better stop struggling.

She had a feeling that more pain would be coming.

* * *

Dean pulled up to Caden's house and looked around. It was quiet. Too quiet.

"I have a bad feeling about this," he muttered, getting out of the car. He could feel his hair stand up on his neck, adrenaline pumping. Something was very wrong. He grabbed his rock salt shotgun and holy water and crept to the backyard.

His heart broke when he saw Maverick lying dead in the yard. Although Caden was obviously alive when he spoke to her about 10 minutes ago, anything could have happened to her between that time and now.

He slowly walked away from the dead dog, examining his surroundings.

Caden's pained scream from her bedroom interrupted his careful examination of his surroundings. He needed to get to her. Now.

He picked the lock on her back door. It easily opened. _It could be a trick, _he thought as he gently opened the door and scanned around the inside. He didn't see anything.

As he entered the kitchen, he heard Caden cry out in pain again. He needed to get to her.

But Rick sitting at the table with his back turned to Dean was blocking his way.

_Now I know why he wasn't at work. _Dean raised his gun, bracing himself for anything.

As if he sensed Dean behind him, Rick turned around. "Dean! I should have known. You couldn't stay away from her. Her knight in tarnished armor, right?"

"What are you doing, Rick?"

He grinned as his eyes turned black. "Waiting for another slice of angel food cake. Justin is having his fun with her now."

Caden screamed in pain again. This time it was longer and it made Dean's blood run cold.

"You son of a bitch," he hissed at Rick.

"Oh, Dean, consider yourself fired."

Dean had enough of this. Although Rick wasn't physically threatening him, Dean decided that salt pellets in this asshole's chest might do him some good.

He fired the gun, driving the demon possessed man back. Towards the living room. Towards the Devil's Trap.

Unfortunately, by the time Dean reached him to drag him to the living room, Rick was already up, and in a fighting mood.

"Oh, you are so fired," Rick said as he gave Dean a hard right hook to his jaw.

Dean responded with his own right hook, driving Rick further back to the Devil's Trap. "Actually, I wanted to tell you that I quit."

Rick sneered, and Dean slammed the butt of his gun into the man's stomach, making sure that he didn't hit anything bones or vital organs.

_Five more feet. _Dean unscrewed his flask of holy water, splashing it on the man, driving him back more. Rick finally stumbled into the Devil's Trap.

"_Don't move," _he heard Justin's voice sneering at his back, and Dean felt a shotgun barrel in the small of his back.

"You don't want to do that, Justin," Dean said.

"_Sure I do. Drop your gun."_

"OK." Dean uncocked his gun and dropped it on the ground in front of him. He felt the barrel of Justin's press in his back again. With that, he turned around, yanked the gun out of Justin's hands and unloaded the ammunition in one move.

Justin stared at Dean, his black eyes glaring sullenly at him.

Dean grabbed the flask of holy water and splashed it in Justin's face, causing the teenager to stagger back, smoke coming off of him. It forced Justin in the direction away from the Devil's Trap, but it allowed Dean to maneuver into position to move around him. He shoved Justin hard towards the Devil's Trap.

He ignored Rick yelling at him and used him momentum to punch Justin further towards the ancient symbol.

Finally, Justin tripped backwards into his demonic father's arms. As soon as both of them were trapped like the roaches they were, Dean grabbed his gun and turned to go up the stairs towards Caden's bedroom.

"Don't move," he told the two men. "Oh, wait. You can't."

"You are so fired!" Rick yelled at him.

"I quit, _Dick_," Dean muttered to himself as he quietly hurried up the stairs.

Dean paused at the top of the stairs, training his weapon around the hall. There was nothing.

He walked by Caden's open room and scanned the room before his eyes fell on Caden's body. She was lying on the floor, unconscious, bleeding, a knife through her right shoulder pinned her to the floor. Her right wrist was broken, and her right knee looked like it had been smashed. Dean's knee and shoulder hurt in sympathy. A symbol was crudely drawn in her blood next to her.

She looked dead.

Dean knelt beside her and checked her pulse. It was weak but present. Her shallow breathing had a disturbing rattle in it.

She opened the one eye that wasn't swollen shut slowly and blurrily looked up at him. "Dean?" she mumbled, almost inaudible.

"Yeah. You're gonna be OK."

"Christo?"

"I'm not possessed."

"Just checking." She closed her eye again.

Dean got up and grabbed the phone. "That's not gonna do you any good," Caden mumbled. "They pulled the phone jack out in all my phones after I talked to you." Dean pulled out his cell. "No reception either," she continued. "One of the weird side effects from my blood letting spell."

He came back to her side. "You're gonna be OK," he repeated.

She shook her head weakly. "Lilith left here before I heard your car pull up. She's talking with her protégé."

"Do you know who her protégé is?" Dean asked.

She shook her head.

"She's coming back. Grab a knife. Not like this one in my shoulder. One with markings. A simple exorcism won't do for Lilith. You are gonna have to kill her."

Dean noticed that the slur in her voice was getting more pronounced. He went to her knife display case and opened it, pulling out the biggest knife with markings in the group. He tucked it in the waistband of his jeans.

"I can slow her down for you. But you are going to have to kill her. No matter what form she may be in."

Dean turned back to Caden. She was no longer wearing her necklace.

"I need you do something for me, Dean." Her voice was stronger. He walked back to her. She held up her necklace. Her crystal had faded. "I need you to hang on to this until it's over."

"You said that you could die without this." Dean gently pushed her left hand holding the necklace down against her chest.

"I'm gonna die anyways. I know you'll protect my grace. When it's over, and Lilith's dead, break the crystal before it turns black and get out of the house as soon as you do."

He took the necklace from her. "I understand." As her eye closed, he put the necklace in the back pocked of his jeans.

"Dean, it takes a lot of concentration for her to use her powers. It takes a lot of concentration to immobilize you. I can slow her down, weaken her. Also, when her eyes go white, she can't see anything. If you see her hand start glowing, there should be a second or two that you should be able to move, especially if she's weakened."

"Thanks." He stood up from her. "Now, I've got your two attackers waiting to be exorcised. And, trust me, I'll take care of Lilith. Just hang on, OK? I know you don't believe this, you'll be fine, and you'll be wanting your necklace back very soon."

As he walked out of the room, he heard Caden call "Dean?"

He came back in. "Yeah?"

A tear ran down her opened eye. "They killed my dog."

"I know. I'm sorry."

Dean ran downstairs and spotted the two demonic men, still standing in the Devil's Trap.

"How did you like Cadmiel's condition?" Justin asked. "She was very feisty when we were having sex with her. In fact, we had to shatter her kneecap and pin her to the floor to keep her from getting too rough."

Dean closed his eyes. The Latin words came flooding back to him. He was amazed, although he couldn't let them see it. Before all this happened, he didn't have the exorcism memorized. After Lilith's little mind zap, he now remembered it.

He started reciting it, opening his eyes to see Rick and Justin's heads flopping around.

_Hell is too good for these demons, _Dean thought. However, as much as he wanted to, he knew these two assholes probably didn't deserve to die.

He finished the exorcism and both men reared their heads back and twin pillars of demonic smoke poured out of their mouths. The smoke exploded against the Devil's Trap and disappeared.

Just then, Dean heard rapid footsteps on the stairs. He looked behind him in time to see a crying teenaged girl running to the door.

She saw the three men in the living room and burst out, "You promised me a dangerous, twisted time, Justin! I didn't think it would be this twisted! I don't want you to ever speak to me again!"

"Lydia!" Justin ran out of the house after the girl.

"Dean?" Rick hesitantly began. "I couldn't help myself. You are more than welcome to come back to the garage."

"I still quit."

Rick nodded and walked out of the room and into the front hall. Dean watched him as he came to a stunned stop. He looked wide-eyed at Dean then back at the steps.

Dean walked into the front hallway to see Caden leaning hard against the stairs' railing. Her right side was covered with blood from the knife that she obviously pulled out of her shoulder.

She grinned maliciously. "Good help is so hard to find," she sneered.

Dean could feel Rick slink out the door behind him.

Caden's grin widened. She raised her hand, and Dean was thrown against the wall. He tried to move away, but he couldn't.

Caden hobbled her way down the stairs. "Hi, Dean," she said cheerfully, flipping her eyes to white.

TBC

A/N: Maybe I should have taken more time with it. I don't know.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: As always, thank you for all your reviews! Y'all are awesome! And I'm having a mini-Supernatural marathon while I'm writing this. Right now, I'm watching the pilot. Remember Supernatural not having any chick-flick moments? I kinda miss that. Again, written before I knew Uriel was a bad angel.

**Tabula Rasa**

"Remember me?" Lilith continued, continuing to telepathically press Dean into the wall.

"You bet I do." Dean strained against the wall.

"Bad answer." Lilith continued hobbling down the stairs, holding her knife pretty slack in her right hand and leaning heavily against the railing with another. She winced at every step.

Caden's body was obviously slowing her down. But, it still wasn't enough in Dean's point of view. He tried to pull himself away, feeling both Caden's crystal dig into him as well as the knife in his waistband.

Lilith caught her breath at the bottom of the stairs and leaned on the back of a chair, struggling to move the knife to her left hand. Her right arm seemed pretty dead. "My demons did a number on this body. But no matter. I can heal this broken body and have all her powers." She raised her hand, pressing him harder against the wall. "Just stay put. By the way, Cadmiel's in here with me. Still alive. She says sorry that her plan failed. Would you like to know what all my demons did to her? Raped her three times. She begged for her life."

"I will kill you," Dean grunted, trying to get off the wall.

"That'd be a neat trick. You don't have the guts. You know you'd kill Cadmiel if you do that. Killing an angel, Dean. Not smart. Particularly since she never said anything about what she knows about your memory. Since she's in here with me, I now know what she knows about your memory." She limped up to him and pressed herself against him. She raised her head and whispered in his ear, "You obviously remember me. You remember Hell?"

Dean gritted his teeth against the pain from the cuts. "Yes."

She ran the blade of her knife down Dean's chest, hard enough to draw blood from shallow cuts. "You remember the breaking of the seals?"

"You're a bitch."

She sighed. "You remember way too much." She pressed the knife deeper into Dean's flesh, drawing more blood. "You probably remember I can't kill you, and I can't send you back to Hell, but I still have the power to make your living a Hell on earth. You won't remember your past. You won't even remember your present. No past, no present, no future. It's poetic, really." She withdrew the knife and pressed herself against him again, whispering, "It would be better if you gave me Cadmiel's grace all on your own. I know you have it. I can let you go back to Sammy if you give it to me."

He gritted his teeth again as she backed away from him. "And why do you want her grace?"

"I guess I can tell you, seeing in a few minutes you won't remember your own name from one moment to the next. Either that, or you'll be my own toy again." Her eyes lit up. "I might just do that anyways, regardless of your memory or lack thereof. I think you'd be fun. You certainly were in Hell. You shaped up quite nicely, you know. It would be nice to possess an actual, full-blown angel just once. It would give me a certain tactical advantage."

"You can take away my memories, but I swear to God I will kill you. Even if I have to tattoo that reminder all over myself. I will hunt you down. I will stop you from opening any more seals. I will kill you, if not for me, then for making Sam rely on a demon for support." He paused, suddenly remembering seeing _Memento._

"Sammy was doing well without you. As always. You're holding him down. Not letting him live up to his full potential. He might have been Azazel's chosen one, but I'm immensely proud of what he's become."

"He's hunting you down, you psychotic bitch."

"You might remember everything, but you don't know a damn thing." She grinned. "You really think killing me is going to end anything? I have another who will pick up where I left off."

"Alistair?"

"Oh, please. He's smart and ruthless, but with him what you see is what you get. He's a hammer. There's not a deceitful bone in his body." She paused. "He doesn't have bones, but that's beside the point. No, I've got someone who I discovered was as deceitful as me."

Dean couldn't breathe. "Ruby?

Lilith grinned. "I know. She used to want to defeat me so she can be the queen bitch, as you once eloquently put it. But, you also know how persuasive I can be, especially when I send you a long way away. Remember? And Sammy is her loyal lapdog. Those demons he's been exorcising? Most aren't mine. For every five demons he exorcises, only one is my patsy. And the more he hones his powers, the more useful he'll be when all the seals open. You could be useful to me too, if you would simply say that you'll help me."

"No."

She growled. "You really think you can win here? You lousy, miserable meat suit. You should be dead. You should be alone. You're a failure. You should be in Hell. Why do you think your family keeps leaving you behind, right when you need them the most? Your Mommy dies, your Daddy leaves, then dies and goes to Hell for your pathetic ass. Sammy. You know why they leave you or die? Because of you. Who can stand you, you pathetic loser? You failed them all. And I'm glad you remember everything. You deserve to remember all your failings." Her eyes flipped white. "Too bad you won't remember anything in a couple seconds."

Dean felt the pressure against him lessen as her eyes flipped to white. He could move off the wall, although he couldn't move away from it.

He hesitated. Everything Lilith said was true. It was weird to hear it in Caden's voice, but he had to admit that Lilith had him pegged.

Lilith's eyes returned to Caden's original blue. For a second, Dean thought he could see Caden's light shining through them, pleading with him. He wondered if she could read what he was thinking.

As quickly as her blue eyes appeared, they flipped to white, and Lilith smirked. "I know what you're thinking," she said in a sing-song voice. Her voice returned to normal. "I'm going to make sure you don't remember what a dismal failure you are."

Her hand started glowing white, and the pressure loosened again. Dean could move his feet.

"I'm just trying to decide if I'll be nice and let you have five minutes of memory before you forget everything again or if I should just give you a 30-second window of memory. Decisions, decisions, decisions. Let's roll the dice and see where it lands."

The white light glowed brighter, and Lilith grimaced in pain. Dean could now move away from the wall.

As she released the white light in his direction, he ducked, rolling behind the chair, and withdrew the knife out from his jeans. He quickly checked the cuts on his chest. Most had stopped bleeding. One of them, the most painful one, the deepest one, was still trickling with blood, but none of them looked like they were very bad.

They just hurt. Like bad paper cuts.

He shifted his weight, trying to decide if the next time Lilith's eyes went white, if he should try to make a break to the door. He wanted to tell Sam what Lilith had said.

He didn't even know where Sam was.

He could see the color change in her eyes, and she looked surprised at the empty wall. Dean quietly scooted further behind the chair, trying to angle himself better.

"Dean?" Lilith said. "You devil you! When I find you, I will peel the flesh from your bones. Manually. First I'll destroy your memory again, and then I'll peel the flesh from your bones." She slowly limped around the room.

Dean crawled to the other side of the chair, feeling the crystal from Caden's necklace press into him every time he moved.

"Dean? Come out come out wherever you are. I'm gonna find you, you son of a bitch."

She turned her back to where Dean was hiding. He could see Lilith's left hand trembling, the white light starting to crawl up her fingers.

_It's now or never._

Dean jumped out from the chair and ran towards her. She slowly turned and stared at him in shock. She never had time to lift her hand up before Dean grabbed her, spun her around so she was now facing away from him and covered up her mouth with his hand

_Caden's mouth. _Dean shook his head, hearing her muffled screams. He couldn't let himself think about that too long.

He plunged his knife into her side and saw the white lightning start flashing throughout her body. She screamed out in pain against his hand. Black smoke started oozing out from her wounds instead of blood, but it seemed to be yanked back into her body.

He took the knife out from her. She kept crying out in pain. "I'm sorry, Cadmiel," he whispered as he plunged the knife in her back. He could feel the knife scraping past a vertebra. She went limp with no sound other than a choking noise. He removed the knife again and held her up.

The lightning faded out and died. Dean slowly lowered her to the ground and checked her pulse. It was weak and irregular, and getting weaker with every second.

She looked up at him. He could see love, gratefulness, and forgiveness in her eyes as they glazed over. The choking noise stopped.

He shifted his weight, lowering her more. The crystal dug into him again.

He had forgotten about it.

He removed it from his pocket. The crystal was dark. _I'm too late. I'm too late to save her as well. _He angrily through the necklace across the room, hearing the crystal break against the wall.

She stared sightlessly up at him. There was no light in her eyes any more. The only thing Dean could think to do was to come up with an explanation for all of this.

A silver light caught his eye where he had thrown the necklace. He looked up to see a silver fog start rising from the broken necklace. The fog grew brighter and bigger as it crept toward Dean and Caden's body.

"Dean? We need to leave. Now!" Sam's voice sounded in Dean's ear. He looked up to see Sam standing over him.

* * *

Sam was pleased with himself. He made some excellent time and got there about three hours ahead of schedule. He pulled up to a neat house behind the Impala. Castiel was pacing on the sidewalk next to the car, staring at the house. His normally tranquil expression was gone. He stopped his pacing and watched Sam step out of the Oldsmobile.

"Cas?" Sam asked. "Is Dean alright?"

"As far as I know. He is in Cadmiel… Caden's house. I'm… unable to get inside, due to a blood-letting spell that Cadmiel put on her house, keeping us away. Dean was the only one who could get inside."

Sam walked up beside Castiel. "I take it that this Cadmiel is one of your fellow angels? Dean told me she was an angel when he got his memories back. Why would she keep you guys out of her house?"

"There's only one reason I can think of: she's in there with demons, and didn't want anyone to come in to help her and possibly get hurt."

"Am I right in thinking that these aren't just everyday, run-of-the-mill, black-eyed demons, right?"

"I'm guessing Lilith or Alistair. Probably Lilith."

Sam could feel a wave of anger rush over him. "So, you just send Dean in to, what, rescue her? Get himself killed to help one of your kind? Aren't you angels all-powerful?"

Castiel sighed. "Dean took it upon himself to help her out. He obviously considers her a friend. I know she considers him one. And, no. We're far from all-powerful. Since she is in human form, she is in danger, and Dean does set out to help people. Even angels."

Sam shook his head and went to get a shotgun. As he came back, he asked, "Why is it that your kind can't leave him alone?"

He took a step to the house when Castiel's voice stopped him. "We need him. His destiny is to stop the seals being broken and to kill Lilith. Cadmiel knew that. We would like to also work with you, but most angels think that you can't be trusted. You're messing around with a demon. We know that you think you're fighting for good, but we don't know what side you're really on."

"I'm fighting to stop Lilith from breaking the seals! I'm fighting against demons! Not everything is black and white, wrong or right. No, I'm not on your side. I'm on Dean's."

"Really? Is this why you left him behind and went with Ruby, a demon?"

"I didn't know he would get his memories back. And I don't see you angels running around, getting rid of demons. I don't see you guys doing a lot of work. I just see you angels being self-righteous. Now, I'm going to get Dean. To be honest, I really don't care about Cadmiel."

"What's your plan?"

Sam turned to Castiel. "Go in, get Dean, yank Lilith from Cadmiel's body. Then, we're gonna leave, and you're gonna leave us alone. That's the plan."

"You're just going to go in and face Lilith?"

"Yeah. She can't hurt me."

"She can hurt Dean. She did it before."

"Well, she won't now."

"Are you going to use your demonic power?"

"What's it to you? It gets the job done." A flash of white light came from the living room window, causing Sam to cock the shotgun.

He was ready.

"Ever wonder why only one person around you actually encourages you to use them? I think you are worthy of our trust, but you must stop them. Or we will stop you." Castiel frowned and hesitantly stepped forward into the front yard. "This isn't good," he muttered.

"Have you ever been around a dying angel, Sam?"

"No, Cas. But I'm sure it's very peaceful."

"Hardly. Cadmiel just died. If Dean broke her grace before she died, he needs to get away from her before her grace re-enters her body. Otherwise, she will kill Dean with her dying powers. A good example would be a star going supernova. You need to get him out of the house now or he will die."

Sam looked back at Castiel, quickly judging if this was another lie about angels. He hadn't thought about angels dying before. He believed Castiel was telling the truth.

He ran inside the house to find Dean holding a dead woman's body, staring at a silver misty light slowly crawling across the floor to them.

"Dean?" Sam said. "We need to leave. Now!"

Dean looked up at Sam blankly. It was almost like he didn't recognize him. "I killed her," he said hoarsely.

"It's OK. But we have to leave her and get out of here."

Dean looked back at the light that was closer to them. He gently put the woman's body down. "I'm sorry, Cadmiel," he whispered to the dead woman.

Sam steadied him as he rose to his feet. As they quickly walked to the door, Dean turned to the woman again. Sam also turned to see what was going on. The light was on the woman's body, making the body start glowing and twitching.

As they got out of the house, a high pitched hum coming from the house started irritating Sam. He looked over to see that the sound was also bothering Dean.

Castiel ran up. "Are you alright, Dean?"

"I killed her." Dean covered his ears from the hum increasing in volume.

"Lilith possessed her, didn't she? Cadmiel knew you had to kill Lilith, so she did her job."

"Her _job?_"

"Yes. She helps humans find their destiny. This is one of the many reasons we need you." He grabbed both Sam and Dean's arms and quickly walked them to the Impala. "You two need to leave now."

Sam looked over at Dean. He suddenly realized that some of that blood on Dean's torn shirt was his. "Dean, you're hurt," he yelled over the hum that was rapidly becoming a high-pitched scream.

"I'm OK."

The scream intensified, making the Impala's windows crack a second before they shattered. Sam covered his ears. All he could hear was this noise and the breaking of windows around him. He felt Castiel drop his arm, and Sam looked over to see his ears bleeding before he covered his ears.

They reached the Impala just as white, hot light began shooting all around them. Sam grabbed Dean's arm to get Dean into the car as he felt his own ears start bleeding. Over the continuing screams and the ever building pressure in his own head, Sam heard the house behind him explode, wood shards flying at them like missiles. Sam was barely able to keep conscious as Dean went limp.

Castiel helped Sam put an unconscious Dean in the front seat of the Impala. _"Get out of here," _Sam read off Castiel's mouth. He nodded and ran around to the driver's side door.

All he could see was white light. He hoped he wouldn't crash into anything.

* * *

_Dean, you need to wake up._

The voice was insistent. Dean couldn't ignore it. He opened his eyes.

At first, he could see he was sitting in the passenger's seat of the Impala. There were no windows. Everything was broken. A bright light formed in front of him. That was all he could see. It was almost like looking into the sun.

The light swirled into a figure. The figure was familiar.

"Caden?" He asked.

She grinned her familiar grin. "Maybe you should call me by my formal name."

"Cadmiel." He looked around. "Am I dead?"

She stepped away from the car. "No. But, you need to wake up."

"I killed you. I'm sorry."

She shrugged. "You needed to kill Lilith. That was one of the things you had to do, why you were pulled out of Hell. But, you were not going to kill one of my humans. Not on my watch. I wasn't going to sacrifice a human to let you fulfill your destiny. So, neither one of us had any choice in the matter. Uriel will be mad, so watch yourself."

"So, everything is over?" Dean asked, although nothing felt over for him. "What about Ruby?"

"It's over. Lilith is anyway."

"A little melodramatic exit, wasn't it?" He shifted his feet on the broken glass in the car. "Now I have to see if Bobby has six windows that fit."

Cadmiel grinned sheepishly. "Yeah, sorry about that. Dean, your destiny, should you chose to accept it, is to continue to stop the breaking of the seals. And now to stop Ruby. I'm pulling for both you and Sam to end this war and stop the releasing of Lucifer. You know what sort of Hell the world will experience if this happens. You and Sam will stop this. Together. On the same side. Uriel and Castiel will continue to be your allies, once Uriel gets over being mad. But you need to wake up."

"What about you?"

She chuckled, sadly. "My part is finished. Completely. All I can do is stand back and observe. Hey, do me a favor, will you?"

"An angel wants me to do her a favor?"

She sighed. "Tell Castiel that I'm OK. No angel knows what happens when one of ours dies. We like to think that our grace goes Home, but we don't know. So, tell Castiel I'm OK. And if Uriel gives you a hard time, tell him to shove it up his butt."

Dean laughed. "I'll give the message to Castiel. I might pass on telling that to Uriel."

"Thanks." She backed away, the fog obscuring her again. She turned to him fully. _"Dean, wake up!" _she said in Sam's voice.

Dean slowly opened his eyes, and Sam's face swam into view. He felt sick. "Sammy?"

Sam grinned in relief. "You had me worried."

Dean gestured to Sam's ears. "You're bleeding."

Sam felt his ears. "Yeah, I was. But, they've stopped. I'm alright. Your ears were bleeding too. That was pretty loud. Your cuts also reopened, but they've stopped bleeding, and I don't even think they need stitching."

Dean felt the window hole of the passenger's door. As he expected, there were no remaining window. It was all beneath his feet and all over the interior of the Impala. He could hear sirens a couple blocks over.

"Castiel thought you killed Lilith."

Dean felt a wave of sadness. "Yeah."

Sam grinned. "So, everything's over?"

"No. Lilith has an accomplice, someone who'll keep opening seals for her."

Sam's grin faded. "Who's the accomplice?"

Dean paused. The name was on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't reach it. "I don't remember."

"You will. You got your memory back before." Sam paused and looked around. "Hey, where's Ruby?"

"Ruby?" Dean felt a flash of suspicion rush through him.

"Yeah. I sent her to talk to you a week ago. Did she make it?"

"I haven't seen her," Dean muttered angrily.

Sam moved to the driver's side and got in the car. "Something might have happened to her! We need to find her."

"Can we fix the car first?"

Sam hesitated. "OK."

Dean looked out the non-existent window. "I want to find her too."

Fin

A/N #2: Thank you, guys, for sticking with this.


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